Never Crossed My Mind (boyxboy)

Chapter Seven

"Whoa, dude!" Mason exclaimed. His hands shot out to catch me as I fell from the chair, grabbing my arms as I hit the ground with a thump.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

I nodded my head, shaking. I stood, sitting back down. I rested my head in my head, tangling my fingers in my hair and tugging slightly. Mason watched me with alarmed eyes. Tears burned behind my eyelids, my lip trembling.

Oh, God, no.

I broke down in front of everyone, something I hadn't done in a while.

I guess we're all crazy, we've all had breakdowns in front of others. But I was supposed to be the strong one. I was supposed to stay sane and stable for everyone here. For Shirley, for Sammie, for me.

I felt a hand on my arm, and I looked up to see Sammie kneeling next to me. She rubbed her hand up and down my back, knowing that I hated this; the weakness, the vulnerability; the exposure.

"Sam," she said softly. "Will you tell me what happened?"

"I fell asleep," I whispered. "And then I saw it again. I saw my parents dropping me off."

"Oh, honey," she murmured, giving me a one-armed hug. "They aren't here, I am. You're going to get out of here one day, and you're going to live your life the way you should have before."

"They never came back," I sobbed, hating myself and how broken I sounded. "They left me here to rot."

"No, no, no," she cooed. "They brought you here because they weren't strong enough to take care of someone so amazing, so beyond their abilities. They don't deserve someone as wonderful and special as you, okay? I'm always going to be here for you, we all are always going to be here. We're your family, not the bastards that deserted you."

I stood, giving her a lasting hug and saying that I was tired, and was going to my room to go back to sleep.

I shut the door behind me, leaning against it for a second and knowing that, although I loved Sammie like a mother, it wasn't enough. There was nothing here for me, nothing but a few friends and acquaintances. The doctors were only there to make my life a living hell, to torture my very existence.

I had to stop it. I had to stop everything.

I put a hand to my chest, trying to control my breaths and keep them even. I jammed the desk chair under the door. Pushing away from the door, I shuffled over to my bedside table. I flipped the table on its side, searching the bottom for the hollow crack I knew was there.

There it is.

Snatching a rusted penny from my bedside table drawer, I used it to dig the shiny piece of metal out of the crack and into my hand. I gave it a remorseful glance, but could also feel my stomach flutter with nervous anticipation.

Was this the way to go? Should I really wait until I bled out? Or should I try it another way? I'm pretty sure I still have a packet of M&M's hidden somewhere, but it would take too long. I don't have a rope, so hanging myself is entirely out of the picture. I couldn't drown myself unless I could get into the bathroom by myself without someone watching me.

This was it.

I slid the blade across my wrist, knowing it wasn't enough to kill myself, but enjoying the release.

My head swiveled around as I heard a knock at the door.

I swiped savagely at my wrists, knowing that this had never worked before, so why even try?

Because if I don't try, then it will never happen.

"Sam, can I come in?" Mason asked, his voice muffled by the wooden door.

I continued to stare at the door, my hand working the blade.

His knocking became more frantic, the doorknob shaking. "Sam?" he called. "Sam, open the freaking door."

I whimpered, and hated myself for it.

It sounded weak.

I sounded weak.

The door swung open, no doubt leaving a lasting hole in the wall from the force. Mason stood with wide eyes, frozen to the spot.

"Don't tell," I whispered. "Don't tell,"

Mason moved toward me, his face panicked and his eyes wild.

"Oh my God," he breathed. "Oh my God, Sam. What did you do?"

My vision blurred.

My ears buzzed.

My skin tingled.

And I smiled.