Wander

Who am I ? or .. What am I ?

What kind of a living creature am I? 
Am I alive ?  Am I dead ?
Do I even exist ? 

Maybe it's all in your head .

"Adryan please .. Tell me why am I here .." 
My name is Lillie , Lillie Miller .. I'm one of the luckiest children alive .. or  that's what they made me believe in . I survived the major Hector Mine  earthquake that hit the southeastern of California  in 1999 , I was 6 years old and I went with my aunt and her son on a trip . We were having lunch at a gas station's restaurant . When the strike happened I was by myself in the restroom , they found me on the same day later under the rubble .

"Untie me .. I'm begging you .."   
On 11 September , 2001 , my dad who was a firefighter , couldn't survive the raging flames .. My mom didn't handle the situation well , she committed suicide 2 weeks later due to the traumatic incident and the crippling depression she suffered from . 

"So you're just going to ignore me forever ? Is that it !" 

I lived with my grandpa until my 21st anniversary , then I moved out to study and work in Ohio and that's where I met the love of my life , Adryan Moore , a 28 year old lawyer , we've been together for nearly 4 years .. they weren't the best four years but they weren't so bad . 

"Adryan I-" He glided towards me , head's up yet eyes frequently looking at me in hatred , the clicking sound of the bottom of his shoes on the wooden floor matched the rythm of my heart beats , and as the steps got faster , I felt  every single pound in my chest got heavier and quicker . He gently touched the tips of my hair that gave me a tingling sensation , beginning in my scalp and passed through my spine reaching my limbs .. His cold fingers ran above my cheek down to my collar bone , I felt a hot breath on my neck, then the tender brush of lips. Burning as they make contact with my neck. The enticing scent of his cologne reminded me of how neat he is , he has always smelled and looked so clean that made my vulva skip a beat by even thinking about it .. 

He grabbed me by my neck with his cold veiny hand , "Follow me and be quiet" his voice rumbled like thunder that made my heart pounds even harder .. We got out of that dusty , gross room and walked downstairs . We stood in front of an antiquated door , he remained silent , staring at that door .. "Sweet wh-" "Shh !" He kept looking at the grey walls we were surrounded by , the place looks so old that the paint started to chip off , the door was scratched and dented with chipped brown varnish , even its door knob dulled with age and greasy fingermarks . 
  Shortly after , he turned the knob and opened the door . Its creaking noise bringing a chill to my spine , it sounded like a little girl's scream, crying out her pain .. 

The door opened directly into a huge room  with floor-to-ceiling windows giving views on a magical forest , the  sun cast its golden rays down upon the clouds , turning them  fire red . He sat on a pastel blue fabric chair , he could only gaze at me in resentment  . I stared at the black-framed wall clock and the sophisticated creepy paintings , avoiding direct eye contact with him . I took my gaze off of the clock, silently vowing to not look at him right into his dark eyes .. 
"You look so beautiful .." He muttered , opening a new pack of tobaco . "Did you bring me in here ?"  "I did , as a matter of fact , I  made you come in here ." "But why .."   " You've always been loquacious .. get up " He grabbed my arm and stood me up , left his fingerprints on my arms , he uncuffed me and took me to the bathroom on the right , " There are clean towels on the shelf , don't use the fancy ones , and all of the hair and body products you need are right here ." I can't understand him .. His feelings are a combination of hatred and caring .. Spite and tenderness .. 

I took off the gown and I was terrified of what I've seen in the mirror .. purple yellow blotches all over my abdomen and my chest , a long jagged scar snaked down the right side of my neck .. I broke down in tears while staring at my reflection .. 

I got in the tub , and washed away the blood clots on my body , it hurt when the water touched the surface of my skin , but it hurt even more to see my blood flowing down the drain .. I heard the door's knob turning slowly , his steady yet slow footsteps , and seen his silhouette behind the curtain .. "Adryan is that you ?"    He drew back the curtain , put his hand on my shoulder . The tension got tighter and his fingers instilled in my skin like a fork "Hey! That hurts !" 
I turned around and all I could see was the devil represented in front me .. "Wait .. wha- .. Stop ! No .. No !"