NO LIMITS

f i f t e e n

Melissa's POV

I walked back into my empty apartment and closed the door behind me, locking it. I walked into my bedroom that once accompanied Dre and I. Tears began to fall from my face as it hit me that he's gone. I gulped hard realizing that I made a complete fool of myself. How could I have been so stupid? I cried uncontrollably into my pillow as I felt myself getting hot out of anger. I wiped my tears and walked to the other side of the room and stood in front of my mirror. I looked at myself and held my stomach. 

"Why did I let this become of me?" I questioned. I lifted my shirt and stared at my stomach, "Why did you choose me to be your mommy? Of all people, why me?!" I cried. I shook my head in disbelief. "He doesn't love us, he probably won't even acknowledge you once you get here" I said as I sat on the floor. "True he's happy now, but his stupid wife wants to take you away from me" I cried. "I don't even know you, but I don't want you in this mess" I said crying. I got up and walked into the kitchen, I opened my liquor cabinet and saw a bottle of tequila. I pulled the bottle down and set it on the counter. I looked down at my stomach and instantly felt sick.

I know I shouldn't be drinking. I just can't take the pain of what all of this is doing to me. I held the bottle in my hands, "I can't even drink with you around" I said sadly. I know my life would be much better if I wasn't pregnant, I just can't believe that I let it get this far. I sat in the chair holding the bottle as I let all of my thoughts invade my mind. "What if I'm not ready to meet you? What if I'm not built for this. I'm only 22." I said to myself. I glanced over at the living room table and saw the key laying there that Dre had left purposely. 

"He's not even your daddy and he wants to be around you. He can't wait to meet you" I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. I put the bottle of tequila back in the cabinet and I walked back to my bedroom. I grabbed my phone and looked through James' and I text thread replaying every moment back in my head. "If only I were more careful, you wouldn't have to go through this." I said crying. I was just so stupid to let this man manipulate me into thinking that what we had was something real. Stupid enough to let him have my body in any way that he desired, dumb enough to create a love child with a married man who only wants me on his own time. Tears filled my eyes as my reality set in, I was so oblivious to the fact that I am now a mother. I put myself in a predicament that I can't get out of. I ran my hand across my stomach, "I don't deserve you. If I'm not ready for you, why should the world have you?" I questioned. I unlocked my phone and quickly typed in a few words on Google, hoping to get an answer.

"Sure it isn't ethical to some, but morally for my sake, I don't think having you here is the best option. Maybe I could be your mom again, when I'm ready" I said as tears filled my eyes as I read articles about abortion. I hugged myself crying as I laid on the floor thinking of what my life would be like had I not gotten pregnant. 

I then thought about Nicki and how she's coping with Don. I don't know what's worse, but this pain is like no other. I don't wish this hurt on anyone. I stripped myself of my clothing and walked into the shower. I closed my eyes as the hot water ran against my body and I replayed the moment in my head of when I first heard my baby's heartbeat. As strong as their heart beats for me, while I keep them safe, I know I should be working twice as hard; but I don't think I'm ready. I felt uneasy about this decision, but I know I need to talk to Dre regardless if he's mad at me or not. I finished my shower and dried off. I went into my closet and found a Nike sweat suit to wear and I decided to go to Truth to talk to Dre.