I woke up in my dark room and groaned into my pillow. I stayed there for another half hour. I couldn't go back to bed so I went on social media. I scrolled through Instagram and looked at fan pages. As I finished a really good edit I read the caption.
"Vent|
I feel like the whole fandom has realized something is wrong with y/n. She's not as happy, she's not herself. Everyone's worried about her. I hope
y/n gets better and let's us know if she's okay. I hope ur okay bb"
I started to tear up reading this. I didn't know my pain was that obvious. I used to be very happy. The happiest I was. I suddenly became very depressed. I didn't know everyone could tell. I tried to hide it. I wiped my tears and got up. I went to Colby's room. Hopefully he was up. I knock twice on his door and hear footsteps. Colby opens the door.
"Hey can we talk" I mutter.
"Uh ya" he says in a raspy voice.
I walk in and sit on his bed. He joins me and waits for me to speak.
"Is it that obvious?" I ask.
Colby gave me a confused look.
"Is it that obvious that I'm depressed" I look him straight in the eyes.
"Uh.. kinda" he sighs.
I start to tear up. I go to get up but Colby grabs my arm.
"Talk to me," he whispered. "We used to be inseparable. We would have the best laughs, the best times. Please talk to me y/n" his voice cracks.
I sit down on his bed and play with my fingers.
"I know I was always happy. But so many things happened last year. I couldn't fake happiness anymore. I lost my friend, my ex dumped me, I started gaining weight, I ate my feelings, I started to becomes stressed and was diagnosed with anxiety. I started getting a fuck ton of hate from nowhere, I cry myself to sleep, i don't feel good inside. I don't like the way I am Colby, I hate myself." i cry.
Colby's eyes were watering. He hugged me so tightly I thought I was gunna explode.
"I don't want you to feel like that. I'm sorry you do" he cried into my shoulder.
"I love you" I whisper, only audible for him to hear.
He pulled away and looked at me with tears eyes.
"What?" He looked at me.
"I love you, more than a friend" I say louder.
Colby's eyes grew wide and he smiled.
"I love you too" he leaned in and kissed me. It was sweet and slow. My heart race slowed and I melted.
"I will help you through this" he held his hands on my jaw.
"Thank you" I smile.
A/n okay this part is kinda shitty. I just wanted to get a message out there. No matter WHAT, you are beautiful. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your stretch marks, your pimples, your size, your everything. All BEAUTIFUL. Society is fucked up these days. I need you to be strong. I know it's hard. I am insecure myself. But it's a journey we can take together. The trip to self love is all done by you, just supported along the way by others.
OWN YOUR BODY.
This also goes for mental illness. It's a tough journey. One you will also have to overcome yourself. Others will help you along the way. If you do need to go get help, do it. Talk to someone. Depression, anxiety, disorders, etc, aren't jokes. Please stay strong.
It may be tough now but you will get through it.
I love you, so do many others.
Please don't forget that.
Xoxo kd
