This includes self harm and suicidal thoughts and attempt. If these topics are sensitive to you please don't read.
Request from @Funfruit
I walk into Colby's apartment that I practically live in. I make myself comfy on the couch and wait for him to get home.
"Hey colbs" I smile brightly at him.
"Hey " he murmured.
"What's up?" I asked, my face turning into confusion.
"Nothing, how was your day" he straightened himself out.
"It was pretty good! I went shopping, then Mike and I went out for lunch, then I-" I got cut off. "Of course Mike and you went out for lunch" he rolled his eyes.
"Colby, what are you talking about?" I ask.
"You're always talking about mike. Mike and I did this, Mike and I did that," he said impersonating me. "Like Jesus y/n can you not have a boyfriend without cheating on him?! You're such a fucking slut!" He screamed at me. I could smell the alcohol in his breath.
As he screamed in my face, tears threatened to spill. My heart broke at the accusations. I loved him. And this is how he treats me. Even though he was drunk. These words could be true.
"Colby" I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks.
"You don't even deny it! Cuz you know you're a slut, a whore! I've given you my all. And this is how you treat me," he shouts even more. "Leave" he gives me a hard stare.
"Colby you're drunk" i walk up to him.
"Leave, now" his voice went deeper, making me more scared than I was before.
Tears fell from my face and I collected what I needed for a while. I walk up to Colby and try on more time.
"Please i would never cheat" I cry silently.
"Bullshit, after you leave. Go hop on his fucking dick why won't you" he shoved me out the door.
Before I could say anything else he slammed the door on my face.
I sat in the parking garage in my car, with my head on my steering wheel.
Crying a river. I love him. What will I do without him. He crushed me. Yet I can't hate him. Slut, whore, the two things I thought he would never call me. And all it took was a night out with drinks.
I slammed my hands on the steering wheel out of frustration. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
My first thought was to stay at the slaphouse. But I couldn't see Mike. I'd have to tell him all of what Colby said. I just can't. But I thought if one person who I know could distract me. Katrina.
I pull up to her place and knock. She opened the door and she immediately gasped.
"Y/n, what happened?!" She pulled me in for a hug.
"I don't wanna talk about it" I sniffle.
"Okay, let's get you something to drink," she pulls me in. "Devyn's also here" we walked into the kitchen and Devyn was sitting on a stool.
"Y/n, oh my god are you okay" she set down her phone.
"Not right now, but soon. Ya" I hung my head down low, knowing that was a lie. I don't think I could ever recover from this.
It's been two months. I've been living with Kat. But I felt horrible doing so. I became depressed over time. I haven't healed. And I'm putting all of it on Katrina. She doesn't deserve that. No one deserves to deal with me. I just bring negative energy wherever I go. The fans haven't made it any better either.
I've gotten a load of hate over the past month. Colby doesn't care. He's the one being protected. I guess no one really cares for me at this point. It's not going to get any better. Will anyone notice If i slip away forever.
I sat in my dark bedroom. Crying myself to sleep, again. I haven't had one peaceful sleep since that.. night.
My eyes hurt from crying so much. They swelled so much as well. I don't feel good mentally or physically. I don't think I'll ever go back from this. I love him. I thought we were gonna grow old together. I thought we were supposed to get married. I thought we were supposed to be perfect. But because of one accusation it all came down. And I still love him.
I walk up higher and higher. I managed to slip away from the people and make my way all the way to the top. I sit on top on the 57 story building. With my blade in hand. This wasn't the first time. But it will be the last. I sit by the edge and look down and the streets. Seeing people walking along. Tears fall down my face. I take one more look at Colby from my phone. He was the last person I wanted to see. I slide the blade across my wrist. Blood dropped down slowly. I squeezed my eyes shut. I went over my fading scars. More blood came out of my arms.
I was finished. About to pass out. All the cuts on my arms. Showing how much I hated my life. How much I wanted to be gone. I stood towards the edge.
"I love you colbs, I always will. No matter what" I cry, not caring how loud I was.
I stand up feelings the wind blow through my hair the last time.
Strong arms wrap around my torso. Pulling me back down. In the moment I was oblivious. I looked up at the man laying me down on the ground.
"No! I want it to end. I want to end it all!" I scream trying to get up.
He rested me back down on the ground.
"Try and stay with me okay" he grabbed his phone.
My vision faded.
"Yes, there was attempted suicide" I faintly hear the man say to his phone.
"All my fault, all my fault, god dammit!" A voice faded in.
My eyes flickered. I heard beeping and footsteps. I open my eyes and look around.
"Hospitals, ew" I think to myself.
My vision adjusts and I see Colby pacing back and forth murmuring things to himself.
"Colby?" My voice comes out raspy.
"Y/n!," he jumped. "Thank god you're alive" he sat down next to me.
"Ya" I whisper.
Still confused as to why he's here.
"This was all my fault. I am beyond sorry. I can't even make up for it. I don't know how. I'm such a terrible person. You never deserved me" he buried his head in the sheet of my bed.
"Colby shut up" I lift his head up.
"No. I am the cause of this. You have no idea that amount of regret I am feeling." He said angrily.
"Colby I did it because I love you, I couldn't stand being in a world where you don't love me." I whisper.
"But I do love you. And I shouldn't have said all that. I was drunk but that's not an excuse. I love you so much y/n. I will never stop loving you. But I understand if you can't be with me" he lets his head down again.
"I love you Colby. So damn much. But I need to heal. But you can help. Please" I let the tears fall down my face.
"Y/n i don't deserve this forgiveness" he lets his tears fall now.
"But I am giving it to you, so take it" I motion for him to hug me.
He carefully wraps his arms around me like I'm some delicate china doll about to break.
"Please dont leave me again" I sniffle into his shirt.
"I couldn't imagine" he replied.
I moved over and let him cuddle up with me.
He wouldn't stop saying sorry, but I don't think he ever will.
"Colby?"
"Yes?"
"I love you"
"I love you most"
