Pragma // s.b.

40

****

Memories flooded my mind as I rushed down the stairs and into the arms of my oldest friend. The long nights we spent laying in the field in between our houses staring up at the stars, the time we had a contest to see who could climb to the top of the big oak tree the fastest and he fell and broke his arm, the birthday surprises and long hugs and bond we had felt since the day he moved in next door.

"Jesse Montgomery Kingston I cannot believe its really you!", my head buried in the crook of his neck, and I inhaled the familiar comforting smell. He smelled like spices and a hint of soil, he smelled like home. We pulled apart and he pinched my cheek, right were my dimple formed from my grinning lips. He had done this since I was 8 and he was 10, he thought it was funny for some reason.

I was speechless. It had been almost two years since I had last seen him. We had said goodbye at the beginning of my 4th year. I was off to Hogwarts and he was off to help his uncle start up a farm in the southern part of the states. He didn't look like the gangly 16 year old I knew before. His arms were muscular, his hands callused from building and moving. His skin was tanned, making his grey eyes even more noticeable. His hair was the same color, the one that can't seem to decide if it's light brown or dirty blonde, but it was longer and fell back in slight curls.

"It's been too long, Ri", he said, flinging his arm around me and pulling me close. I felt a mixture of elation and embarrassment at the use of my childhood nickname. "Not long enough, Jess Jess", I winked, and he blushed deeply at the pet name I had given him as a child. Jesse began to speak again when a slight cough sounded from behind us.

My eyes turned to Sirius. He hovered on the stairs, his grip on the banister so tight his knuckles were beginning to turn white. "Oh", Jesse breathed, taken aback, "And who is this?". I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. Something about Jesse and Sirius standing there, face to face, just felt wrong. As if my two worlds were colliding. "I'm so sorry", I laughed breezily, taking a step away from Jesse towards Sirius. "This is Sirius Black", I smiled.

"Her boyfriend", and before I could register what was happening, Sirius' hand was in mine. I let out a slight choking noise, but recovered quickly. I glanced from Jesse, whose expression had turned steely, to Ro, a surprised look plastered on his face, back to Sirius, a smug smile playing at his lips. I didn't let the silence last any longer as I deeply inhaled and let out, "So, are you staying for dinner Jesse?".

The tension in the air was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Jesse closed his eyes for a moment, and when they opened he smiled. "Only if Lynn is making her green beans with almonds", he said, cocking an eyebrow. "It wouldn't be dinner at the Carter house if she wasn't", I said, allowing my shoulders to let out some of the tension they had been holding, "Come on, let's go eat".

****

The crickets chirped loudly in the crisp night air. A chilly breeze blew through my hair, and I wrapped my scarf tighter around me. Poppy rubbed against my legs and I reached down, rubbing the spot in between her ears. Dinner had gone exactly as expected. Polite conversation, glances between Sirius and I, jokes cracked by Ro.  My mind was spinning. Did it really take jealousy to make Sirius to want to be my boyfriend? Was the way he felt about me not enough by itself? It took the stupid instinct of competition to make him even think about that.

"What are you doing out here all alone?", I felt the weight of a warm blanket wrap around my shoulders and looked up. "Contemplating life", I sighed, surprised by the soft expression playing across Jesse's face. He moved slowly, sitting on the front porch steps. He looked at me, then patted the spot next to him. I let out a sigh and moved so I sat next to him.

We sat in silence  for a moment. I turned to him quickly and said, "I hope things aren't weird with Sirius", and at the same time he said, "Is he actually your boyfriend?". We looked at each other then laughed. "You go first", I said, snuggling further into the blanket. "Is the guy in there, the one covered in tattoos who smells like he smokes a pack a day, actually your boyfriend?", he said, all humor gone from his tone. My chest clenched. Why was he talking about Sirius like he wasn't worth the time of day.

"He doesn't smoke anymore", I said, my voice curt. Jesse let out a scoff and turned away. "You're too good for him", he said, not looking at me, "You have to know that, right?". My face burned, anger rising through my body. "What is that supposed to even mean, Jesse?", I said, folding my arms across my chest.  "It means exactly what I said, Ri", he whipped his head back around to look at me. "I know you have a savior complex, but seriously", he began, his voice raising, "It's not your job to fix him".

A laugh erupted from my lips and I stood, the blanket falling off my shoulders. "Wow", I moved toward the screen door, "You're a lot of things Jesse, but I never thought an asshole was one of them". I moved to the door but Jesse swiftly moved to block my way. "You're a lot of things too Briony", Jesse said, anger flashing through his stormy eyes, "But I never thought an idiot was one of them". Angry tears sprung into my eyes and I shoved him out of my way. "Go home, Jesse", I flung the door open. "Gladly", and with that he stormed off the porch and into the snowy night.