Chapter Eleven
Shattering
Jungkook POV
I felt tears well up in my eyes.
All I wanted was for someone to hold me close, tell me that it was okay...
That I wasn't some mess up.
A bitch.
A whore.
A mistake.
I wanted to curl up by the fireplace, in Eomma's warm arms as he sang to me.
I wanted to snuggle with Appa.
But I can't.
Because no matter how much I want to do those things.
The fear holds me back.
I just want...
"Eomma," a sob broke past my lips, tears falling down my face.
No Jungkook, fight it.
Be strong.
I choked on another sob," E-e-eomm-ma!!!"
I heard footsteps, rushing towards me.
I was lifted up and I clung to his shirt," Kookie sowwy! Kookie sowwy!!!" I cried, tears soaking Eomma's soft pink hoodie.
"Shh Bun, it's okay,"
"D-d-don't leave K-koo-okie!!! Kookie no mean be ra-ra-ra-ude!!!" I fisted my hands tighter as Eomma tried to pull back," Kookie sowwy!!!"
"Shh Bun, you're okay. You did nothing wrong love,"
"B-but Kookie be mean to... to Eomma!!! An' Appa!!! Kookie wash bad!!! Doen leave Kookie!!! Kookie be good boy!!!"
Eomma sat down in a rocking chair, stroking my hair," Bun, you are a good boy. I know that's not all this is about... what are you so scared of?"
"Doen wan hurt,"
"You don't want to get hurt? Bun, we'd never hurt you,"
"Doen wan heart hwort,"
"Why would your heart hurt pumpkin?"
"Appa and E-eomma get twired o' Kookie, leaf Kookie al' 'one,"
"Pumpkin, you're ours forever, you hear me? No matter how many times you cry, how many times you yell and scream, we won't leave you. We love you Bun,"
I fisted my eyes, looking up at Eomma with wide eyes," Chu... wuv Kookie?"
"Yes Bun, we love you," Appa smiled, coming out of nowhere and ruffled my hair.
"Pwomise no leave Kookie?"
"We promise,"
"Nuuuu, pinky pwomise!" I pouted, holding out my pinkies.
Pinky promises are biggest deal!!!
They chuckled, curling their pinkies with mine," We promise to never leave our baby bun,"
"Efen if chu find 'nother baby?"
"Even then,"
"Oke," and they let go.
Eomma smiled down at me softly," You okay now Bun?"
I nodded slowly.
This felt nice.
I... liked it.
But... it was still... wrong.
I don't deserve to feel like this...
To feel so light, carefree and...
Happy.
Then I remembered Yoongi hyung's words.
"Why not give a person the childhood they deserve, to replace all that neglect with nothing but care and love? Why not let that person be you?"
I smiled softly.
Why not?
I deserve to be happy.
I want to be happy.
I nodded softly.
Okay Yoongi hyung... I'll give it a shot.
I'm ready to accept...
Let's hope they don't mess up.
I don't think my poor heart could take it.
I want.
To be.
Happy.
