A Crackfic

G R O U P C H A T

Whalegurl: Guys-

Whalegurl: I'm scared-

Whalegurl: pLeAsE help me-

Jinniejinjin: We're coming, Jay, I swear! 

SunshineHobi: Yeah! We're on our way, I picked up Taehyung.

Jinniejinjin: I got Jimin. We're gonna save you, gurl! 

ParkJM: I'm scared for you-

ParkJM: Yoongi is freaky.

Vantae: Seriously! He's so scary when mad.

Whalegurl: omg- I can hear him!! 

Whalegurl: He entered through my fucking window, and I-

Whalegurl: AH- Omg, he's so mf scary.

ParkJM: He's in your HOUSE?! 

Whalegurl: DID I STUTTER?!?! 

Jinniejinjin: Does anyone have the key? 

Vantae: I do! 

SunshineHobi: Texting and driving is so scary.

Whalegurl: You're- SEND VOICE MESSAGES 

SunshineHobi has sent a voice message 

Hoseok "Omg, I literally forgot these existed."

Taehyung "We're coming Jay! Don't worry!"

Hoseok "Yeah, we're-"

Taehyung "OMG THERE'S A BIRD IN THE ROAD!!!"

The sound of screeching tires sounds through the phone.

Hoseok "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK TAE?!"

Taehyung "Um, I didn't want you to hit the bir-"

The voice message ended

Whalegurl: Are y'all okay-

Vantae: Um-  No? 

ParkJM: That was the craziest thing I've ever heard, I-

ParkJM sent a voice message

Seokjin "You guys are the dumbest people I've ever met. Fucking hell."

Jimin "You guys should be more careful."

Seokjin "Sometimes I wonder how y'all ain't dead yet."

Jimin "Because they realize it at the last second."

Jin clicks his tongue.

Seokjin "Doesn't matter, Chim."

Jimin "I meaaaaaaan, I'm sure they'll be alright."

Seokjin "I am very doubtful in your statement."

Jimin "Jin-"

The voice message ended

Whalegurl: What goes on, guys-

Whalegurl: But y'all are taking a long time, like-

Vantae sent a voice message

Taehyung "Jin, I don't appreciate the fact that you think me and Hobi are gonna die."

Hoseok "To be honest, we actually might die before anyone else."

Taehyung "No. You'll die before me."

Hoseok "... Lets be honest though. Jay will survive the longest."

Taehyung "Yeah."

The voice message ended

Whalegurl: .. Thanks.

Whalegurl: BUT THIS ISN'T FUCKING ABOUT WHO WILL DIE FIRST-

Whalegurl: My LIFE IS ON THE LINE FELLAS!!! 

ParkJM: We're like- 2 minutes away.

Vantae: Yeah, we're almost there.

Whalegurl: ... SPEED-

ParkJM: Jin called you a fucking idiot.

Whalegurl: Yeah? 

Whalegurl: TELL HIM THAT I DONT MF CARE 

Whalegurl: Y'know what? 

Whalegurl: I'm texting Gguk.

Whalegurl: Fuck y'all bitches.

Whalegurl: Istg if you turn around I'm gonna-

Jinniejinjin: Yeah yeah. We GET IT