Forgive me for writing this.
This will be the first and last.
This has nothing to do with Dreaming of You. Ibang fanfic universe 'to. LOL!
- - -
"Girl, what happened ba?" tanong sa akin ng best friend ko.
I just gave her a sad smile.
Hindi ko rin talaga alam isasagot ko dahil ako rin naman hindi ko alam anong nangyari sa aming dalawa.
Bigla na lang nanlamig.
Bigla na lang nawala.
Nakakatawang isipin na I ended up doing the things we planned together alone.
Mga bagay na sinabi niyang pagtratrababuhan naming dalawa.
I questioned my worth when he decided to leave me. I questioned everything.
Wala lang ba lahat ng halik at yakap na 'yon para sa kanya?
Wala lang ba lahat ng iyon?
Pero I don't regret being with him. I don't regret giving myself the chance to feel something for someone without inhibitions.
"Nasaktan ako, aminado naman ako," Sabi ko sa kaibigan ko habang pinipigilan ang sarili ko na umiyak. This is the first time that I tore down my walls for someone and I seriously don't know how to handle my emotions.
Everything was so new to me.
Ganito pala kapag nahulog ka.
I had my fair share of flings and hook ups; I'm not a saint. I ghosted people before because I have issues, which is an asshole thing to do, I know that.
Iniisip ko tuloy na siya ang karma ko sa lahat ng iyon.
Mahirap pala kapag binalak niyong pumunta sa isang destinasyon tapos nauna lang siya makarating don at pasunod ka na... kaonti na lang darating ka na, pero nang pababa ka na, nalaman mo na lang bigla na umalis na pala siya at sa ibang lugar na pumunta.
Leaving you clueless.
Clueless ka kung susunod ka pa ba sa bagong destinasyon niya o sinadya ka na lang ba talaga niyang iwan.
I was talking to my friends about this because I really don't know what to do.
I felt stupid for crying and being unable to sleep because I can't stop thinking about what went wrong.
Nakakatanga naman kasi talaga.
Pero siguro may mga bagay talaga na hindi na kailangan ng sagot.
Unanswerable.
Iyan pa naman lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya noon kung bakit I gave him a chance.
Unanswerable. Kapag tinatanong niya ako kung bakit siya.
Unanswerable.
Pesteng unanswerable iyan dahil pati pala sa tanong kung bakit nagbago isip niya tungkol saming dalawa, sa unanswerable lang din ang bagsak.
Marami pa akong gustong sabihin. Maraming tanong.
Pero siguro tama nga sila. Tama mga kaibigan ko na this chapter should end.
Tamang oras na rin siguro na tuldukan na lahat ng dapat question mark pa.
Wala naman nang mababago.
Kaya siguro para kay Marco, maraming salamat.
Salamat kasi tinuruan mo akong buksan puso ko.
You made me happy and sana at some point ganon din ako sa 'yo.
Kung alam ko lang na the kisses and hug that we shared that night would be our last, I would've asked you to stay a little longer... I would've asked for one more kiss and one more hug. But maybe it's really time to let you go.
Salamat.
Salamat dahil pinatunayan mong I'm capable of loving someone despite my issues.
Goodbye, love. This would be the first and last time I'll write about us, about you.
———
Might post a happy Julie x Marco ficlet later or Julie x (?) if sino maisipan ko pang bawi. I'm
sorry for not updating. Just like what I've said, I'm working almost 12-14 hrs a day. Mahirap isingit when all I want to do during my free time is to catch some sleep. Thank you for waiting. I appreciate it a lot.
