-____________- 2.0

Chapter Nineteen

-Tharren-

The sun had set a few hours ago, and Tharren still couldn’t sleep. The thought of Siri seeing Lewis more than him, marrying Lewis instead of him, kept him awake long after he should have been asleep. He was in love with her. Love. Something Tharren had never really believed himself capable of, after seeing how his father treated his mother, and then himself, after being with so many women and feeling almost nothing real for any of them, after experiencing nothing but a family at war, leading a country at war.

But he loved Siri. Of that he was certain. There was no other possible name he could give to all the emotions she called up, the way he felt when he saw her, held her, kissed her, or even how he felt when he couldn’t.

When she married Lewis, he could never hold her, kiss her, probably barely even see her. And he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle it once it happened. How many more chances would he get to talk with her freely before the attack when she was busy planning it, as well as a wedding?

Not many.

Before giving it any more thought, he sat up and bed and swung his legs down to the floor, shrugged into a shirt, buckled his belt, and cracked the door open. Seeing no guards through the door, he slipped out into the hall and padded across the stone floors, barefoot.

Finally he reached the door to Siri’s rooms. He knocked lightly, not wanting to wake her up. No one answered. He gripped the handle and opened the door, stepping inside.

Siri jumped when he shut the door behind him. She had been sitting at a desk with a candle, and Tharren noted the stack of papers in front of the chair.

“Tharren! What are you doing here?”

He leaned in the door frame, grinning. “I missed you again. Can I come in?”

Siri rolled her eyes. “Of course. I never ask entrance to your room.”

Tharren’s smile widened and he walked over to her by the desk, wrapping her in a hug. Behind her, he reached out a hand and grabbed one of the papers from the desk. “What’s this all about, Siri? Why so much paperwork?”

Siri giggled and snatched the paper back. “Just records and supplies....lists and such. Nothing that can’t wait until later.”

Frowning a little at her secret keeping, Tharren’s tone turned more serious. “If this stuff can wait, then why won’t I be seeing you for almost a week? I don’t think I’ll make it that long...I mean, it’s only been a few hours and I had to come see you.”

Siri sighed and took a step back. “Honestly, Tharren...I missed you too. But, I don’t exactly think its such a good idea that we see so much of each other. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t...but...I’m getting married in less than a week. After that, we won’t be able to see any of each other. I’ll be married.”

A pained expression filled his eyes. “Siri...please. Don’t get married. Especially when you’re not in love with Lewis, and he doesn’t really love you.”

“I have to, Tharren. Love isn’t a comfort we all get when we marry. If I don’t marry Lewis...someone that I know...there will be people just like him that I don’t know as well. Eventually, the war will be over. My job...will be pointless. I’ll need to depend on my husband to have a job to support us, at least until I find something else. Lewis’s job isn’t going anywhere. I may not love him, but marrying him will give me a reason to keep living in this fortress. It will keep me close to my friends and family. Really, what else should I ask for?”

“Love. Happiness and the life that you want to live. That’s what you should ask for. Nothing less should be good enough for you.”

Siri scowled. “And where am I going to find love and some place that wants a girl with my abilities, Tharren?”

“I love you. I love your skills and your weaknesses, and I’d never do a thing to try and make you be some one you didn’t want to be, or try to keep you from doing what you love.”

“Tharren,” He swore he heard her voice waver. Was she about to cry? “Tharren. You’re wasting your time. We could never have a future. If I left Lewis...and then we...I’d loose my job. We’d have to leave the fortress. Even Audrey wouldn’t be able to fight for us to stay. Where would we go once we leave? We’re both trained for the army, and the army wouldn’t want us.”

Tharren yearned to shout that he was the crown prince of Hadalia, that if she married him, she would be adored and respected in both countries and part of what created peace, that they would be the best possible couple to end a war...but being the prince of Hadalia was probably even more detestable to her than a simple scout, and his country was the one thing that got in the way of them having anything real every time. If she knew that his father was the king, and the one to have her parents killed, she would never speak to him again.

Instead of shouting, all he could do was reach out to her. “Please, Siri. I’m in love with you. I don’t know what to do with myself...at least...” No. He thought, firmly. Siri had never been with some one before, it meant a lot more to her than himself. It was selfish to ask for anything, even if it was probably one of his last meetings with her.

“At least what?” Siri’s eyes were shining, but no tears fell yet. She stepped closer to him, reaching out and taking his hand.

Tharren squeezed her hand and put his other one around her waist, then bent down and kissed her. He was careful not to take it too far, to make it something to remember, a goodbye.

Siri, however, seemed to have other plans. She released his hand and entwined her fingers in his hair, deepening the kiss and stepping in extremely close, heat radiating between them. Tharren lost any control of the kiss he may have had, giving in to the feeling of her in his arms again, allowing himself to forget for the moment that this wouldn’t and couldn’t last. Siri was here, warm, bright, her scent filling his nose and overwhealming him, every place they touched tingling with an electricity no one else could make him feel.

Siri pressed him backwards, until his legs bumped the foot of her bed and he fell backwards onto the mattress, Siri close behind him. He rolled them sideways as Siri began tugging at the buttons on his shirt. She was halfway through the buttons when he came to his senses, slightly.

Tharren broke the kiss and clasped his hands around her own. “Are you sure, Siri?” he whispered.

Siri nodded. “Yes.”

He forced himself to stay in control, if only a few seconds longer, for Siri. “You don’t have to do this, I don’t want to be your regret.”

“I couldn’t...not the first time...with Lewis. I want it to be you, Tharren.”

Tharren felt his heart jolt in his chest, and the warmth between them grow stronger as he kissed her again, trying to show her truly how much he loved her.