{ ❀ - Intro ~ The Realisation - ❀ }

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i'm so freaking stupid...

i lay sprawled out on the floor in my bathroom, surrounded by my own blood, a coughing mess. but other than my blood, to my surprise, i was coughing up flower petals. 

...i've heard of this before, it's a rare illness called "Hanahaki Disease". i quickly grabbed my phone, unlocked it, and then quickly typed up hanahaki disease in the search bar and clicked the first website i saw; 

"it is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient's throat will fill with flowers, and they will then proceed to cough and throw up the petals-"

crap...

i didn't want to read the rest, but i did anyway, fear filling my heart as i read out the next few words; 

"the flowers will spread to my lungs.... and then i'll end up dying from lack of oxygen"

i laughed nervously as lay there on the floor, thinking about what could've caused this, and how to fix it. then my mind went back, remembering something i thought i'd forgotten. no, something i wanted badly to forget... and then i realised, on the website, it said "born from unrequited love" and my heart ached, realising that this was all my fault

"--!?!??!?"

i gasped for breath as more flowers came spilling out of my mouth, wet with blood.

this's all my fault... if only i didn't like him, if only i never spoke to him, if only i never met him, this is so stupid, i'm stupid.. stupid, stupid, stupid...

tears filled my eyes as i lay there on the floor, tears of regret and anger. no-one there to save me, no-one who even cared.

....i was so damn stupid.... i never should've thought he'd like a guy like me anywhay, and look where it got me...!

 i laughed sadly, tears still in my eyes as i remembered the things that probably caused me this pain.

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