One Less Lonely Heart.

Don't Cry Baby

      I woke up the very next morning in a daze. Waking up hit a little differently knowing I had just lost of my parents, and trying to see how his crime would plead out not guilty in the eyes of my mother. I just didn't understand. I had to make myself realize, I deserved better. I got my heart broken by the first man that ever loved me, but was the love even genuine from the first place? My grandma was right. I can't believe it, I have to go talk to her.
       A few hours later, after cleaning up my somewhat empty apartment and throwing on some clothes I made it to my Ma's crib around 11 o'clock.
God I hope she's up.
The door was open and the screen door hung down off its latches. I entered like I always do. "MASKED MURDERER!" I always screamed out when they left the door open. But I saw nobody in the kitchen. I checked my mom's room and she was in her closet sorting items that appeared to be make up.
"What you doin' up this early, pretty lady?"
She stopped what she was doing, smiled a gave me a hug.
"What do I owe this pleasant surprise?"
"Nothin' at all, you know I had to come see my baby."
"Awe—is them crab legs I smell?"
This lady was my mama for a reason.
"You thought yo' boy was gone come thru empty handed? Oh no, let's sit down and do lunch pretty lady."
She couldn't hide the smile that escaped her lips. I know if nobody else had my back, she definitely did.
        About 30 minutes into our crab leg brunch she broke the silence.
"So what's wrong?"
"Why somethin' gotta be wrong mama?"
"'Cause I know my son. I may not have birthed you, but you got my blood running through you too."
She definitely had a point. Something was indeed bothering me.
"Ma?"
"Yes baby?"
"How did you know my father wasn't a good guy?"
Her face remained the same. It was so hard to read her emotions sometimes.
"When you were first born, he was rarely there. He got locked up by the time you were 3, but in them 3 years he didn't make it his goal to be your father."
"How so?"
"Never changed your diapers, barely held you. When your mother was at work he would drop you off out Huntersville or with me. I've known your father before he was even your father. I never liked the way he treated you. Even if you didn't know what the hell was going on."
"What you said was true."
"About what?"
"What looks good to you, isn't always good for you. I guess I had to learn it for myself huh, Ma?"
"You know I always want the best for you. Talking to your granddaddy I couldn't keep you from him. I just hoped that what I said would make you more apprehensive about him."
"Yeah, your right. I totally understand why you tried to protect me."
"Did something happen?"
"He broke my heart, mama."
The last words came out so slow as I started to breakdown at the kitchen table.
My grandma got up and hugged me tight in her arms. I couldn't help but to let it all out.
"It's gone be okay, Baby. Sometimes you have to look at what God has already placed in front of you and be grateful for that. I promise you, you will not miss out on love, 'cause I have nothing but love and more love to give."
She lightly cupped my face and made eye contact with me.
"You are MY son, I raised you off the blood, sweat, and tears of my heart that day you and your brother was pronounced legally mine. My love for you will continue on for eternity, even when I'm long gone. Don't go looking for love where you won't find it, you'll only hurt yourself. Look for love where you know it exists, and as long as you are my son, my love will always be here. Whenever you need it."
       My mama hugged me for a little while longer, I felt so safe in her arms. She was absolutely right, this whole situation has caused me to love her even more. I had to say goodbye to past heartbreaks and move on from this point. I had love here this whole entire time, and it never left me. And it never will.