Just

[Just - Chapter 6 - 28/6/2014]

I was to leave soon for Chennai. I had just finished my class 10 and now I had plans of doing polytechnic in Electrical and Electronics Engineering so I took admission in Chennai. It wasn't much of my plan because I didn't wanted to leave her, so I was indulge in a continuous conflict if I should continue my senior high, that in basic term would be class 11, or go for a diploma. So one day I shared my confusion with my sister, who didn't double think but directly dialed a few numbers and arranged an admission in Diploma which was in Chennai. I had to confront this plan to my gf in that time who also was my first ever relationship and the thing about your first relationship is that you don't fake love. At least I feel thus, that you don't fake love in your first relationship, until someday you might get bored or whatever other human reason becomes for leaving their partner. In my case, she left me, so I don't know if I was to ever get bored or not. But I wasn't her first relationship, I was maybe 3rd or 4th in her life, and the thing that attracted me in the first place was the image of a girl in my life. It wasn't her face, or body, or hair, or whatever the normal reason for why we fall for another human. It simply was the dream and desire of having a girl in my life, whom I could call mine, with whom I could share how I feel, how I vision this world, how excited I am of knowing how it feels to be so close to a girl. I never had any desire or need to know how a girl looks under her clothes, never had imagined or never tried making a way to that, always was a curious little boy who only wanted to know how it feels to call someone mine. So, it was after us being together for like 1 year and 7 months that took her to rest her comfort in me. I wrote her a letter because I didn't had phone then, I always use to write her a letter, that was me, a little boy who in 1 year and 7 months never missed a day to write my dear love a letter, and that day was no ordinary, it was a hard day, as I was in a corner where gravity was the strongest, I was pinned down to earth by heavy heart for a thought burned me with for having to go so far from someone so dear. She was wearing a jumper which was in dark blue color, with picture of colorful balloons on it, above black jeans and black converse. Her hair was till shoulder length, which she never tied in tuitions. She came, with emotional eyes, and the first word I said was, "Sorry". She looked at me and argued, why? I didn't had the courage to hug her, and in these many years, it was recently that she had allowed me to kiss on her hand. She was a strict person, so I went close and she hugged me. Snakingly, I put one hand around her, and when she grabbed me hard, I couldn't control but grabbed her, and with full strength I hugged her tight. It was a dark day, the rain started to howl, it was a strong strong rain and a cold wind. We were in a balcony and in front of it was another big building, the rain was wild, and I could see that she was feeling cold, so I covered her with my arms both sides like a blanket, and since I had a big body and she had a small, when I put my arms around her it covered her full. The lights went and with it everything went dark. Someone in the next building which could be seen through balcony, lighted a candle and in her soft voice singing "  One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this"
She sang it very slow, but good. It was a song by Christina Perri, “A Thousand Years”  And it was for the first time I was listening to this song. I could see that candle light getting scattered in the window, and the rain dancing on this melodious cry of wind. I could feel the warmth of her body, passing through my thick cloth reaching to my skin. I grabbed her harder to the song that someone was singing, it was a good song, it was a memorable day, I felt like my breath got stuck on my throat, and my heart is digging it's way out of my body, I fell in love with the girl in my arms a little much more, I didn't know that I had this capability of loving her much more than that I already did but then I did love her that day a little much more. If it was in my hand alone, I would have cancelled the plan of going, and I would much definitely have cancelled if only I knew that she would cheat on me someday, in coming near future. I would have.
But I was far far away from this, so I looked at her and found a drop of tear on her eyes, she had her hand hooked around me like a toddler with his/her toys. To see her tears for me, my eyes drowned a little more on tears for the departure from my love. I shook a little to kiss on her forehead, but before she kissed on my lips, and to this the world paused, rain vanished, and every matter and every human of this planet turned to a blank space, I saw nothing, felt nothing, but a rushing heart beat, the adrenaline in my veins rushed to the speed of light, and never I knew that a lips of a human is so soft. I kissed her back, and made space for her lips to step in and as her lips was sliding inside mine, I only realized that there exists a magic and it is in between the lips of love, that kiss brought tears of joy to my eyes, for it felt like I have the universe in between my lips, and it is soft as nothing could ever be, but can they be  not addictive but an exercise of love that of whose results is only bliss. As her lips departed from mine, the world that vanished came back, the sound of rain and unnoticeable sound of traffic and birds and everything was back, it felt like gravity swept off my feet. I looked at her face and then I knew the girl is a magic, that love is a magic, that the human boy or a girl, man or a women, bisexual or who you date, is a magic if you know how to respect the magician. So this was "just" another story, of the first kiss of a guy.

Nirnai Chettri.