low battery - Reed900

three

(A/N: possible TW? idk)

--Gavin's POV--

I pulled away from Conan briefly, and watched as Conan's LED flickered red briefly, before turning yellow, back to red, then fading to nothing. I couldn't help but feel like there was a hole piercing my stomach. I felt my eyes prickle even more, and tried to hide my tears from Hank, who I knew was going to try to comfort me. 

I cleared my throat, and, keeping my focus on Conan, closed his still-open eyes. 'Why did I do that? It's just a cold piece of plastic.' I thought. 

"This is the first time you've seen an android die, isn't it," Hank said gruffly. I stayed silent for a moment before answering. "Yeah, I...I guess I wasn't sure what to expect when he died," I lied.

I picked up Conan gently. Connor and Hank didn't say anything else on the walk back to the car. The car was filled with a stale, solemn silence as we drove, tires rumbling mournfully on the gravel road. I held Conan close to me, and cried quietly in the backseat. Connor looked over every now and then, just to make sure I was okay. There was pity in his eyes. I don't want his pity.

"I want Conan," I murmured softly. "I need Conan." I sat for a moment, thinking over what I had said. 'It's just nervous mumbling. You've been through this before; just chill out,' I tell myself. I can't tell if I'm lying to myself. I don't care if I am. 

"I'm just going to drop you off at home, okay Gavin?" I heard Hank say. "Yeah, that's fine. Whatever," I replied. The car pulled up to my dull apartment, and sat idly, waiting for me to leave. "Bye," I said, not waiting for a reply. I carried Conan's body back to my apartment. I don't care if I'm not supposed to, or if Hank thinks I was too attached. I don't care what Hank thinks anyway. 

I open the door to my apartment and close it softly behind me. I walk silently to my room, lay the dead android on my bed, and sit on the edge of my mattress for a moment. After a few minutes, I reach into a cabinet in my dresser and pull out a brown leather journal. It had been so long since I've made an entry, I haven't needed to make one until now. A pen sat in the interior of the cover. I picked it up, flipped to the first empty page of line paper, and started writing in dark ink. 

"Where do I start? It's been a long day. It's not even 12 pm yet, and so much has happened. 

"We had an assignment. It was simple enough, just to check out someone's house for evidence of a murder. My partner, Conan - an android - found our suspect. She stabbed him. I should have been there when it happened, I could have saved him. I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. I am sorry. But I think something's wrong with me. 

"I can't think straight anymore. The only thing on my mind is Conan. He's in every thought. I've felt this before, but I don't understand. Why now? I spent so long shedding my emotions. So many years wasted just to rid myself of my feelings. I can't feel this way again, but I miss Conan so much. It hasn't even been a full hour without him, and I already feel sick. I feel so sick, like there's a hole in my stomach and it's getting bigger and bigger and it's eating me from the inside and I'm rambling again aren't I. Not again no no no why did they take Conan already they should have taken me I should have died not Conan just take me away now-"

The sound of my tears hitting crisp paper woke me from my nightmare. I was sweating and crying, and my chest was heaving. I put down the journal for a minute to grab the short orange bottle on the top of the dresser with shaking hands. I took some this morning, but I needed more. I need to have more. I dumped some of what was in the container into my hands and swallowed. I saw something in the corner of my vision shrink, but nothing else.

 I swallowed a few more. Nothing. I looked into the container. There were a couple more. It's not like I'm going to die from something like that, right? You'd need to take an entire container or more to even pass out from this. I was only indulging in a little less than half a bottle. I took what was left in the bottle, and rested my head next to Conan. I stared up at the ceiling before something erupted out of me. It bubbled in my throat, loud and manic. Laughter. Jesus Christ, I was going insane. 

I tilted my head to look at Conan. "Oh Conan. You're so beautiful. I don't deserve to know someone like you." I started crying again. I stifled another round of laughter. "What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Conan, you probably know why. You ran all those checks on me. Do you know what's wrong with me yet?"

I sat up and rested my head on the headboard of my bed. I pulled the sheets up close to my legs. I still can't believe I'm talking to a dead android. I am not okay. "Conan, do you know what dying is like?" I couldn't help but keep spilling words out. I can't stop. 

"Does it feel like falling? Does it happen slowly, or all at once? Is it like drifting off to sea on a piece of driftwood? Or are you just there, then gone without a blink?"

I noticed that the shadows in the edges of my vision were growing bigger and bigger. I looked up to see them tower above me. "Oh," I said involuntarily. 

They crashed down upon me, and I was swallowed whole.

I bounced around for a while in something's stomach. Was I in the past or the present? Eventually I heard someone's voice. Multiple voices, actually. I couldn't see. Everything was numb. Everything was dark. Was I dying? Wait, was that Connor? Or Hank? I called out for them. No answer. 

What's happening to me? I tried listening to what the voices were saying. I caught words like "overdose" and "suicide". Did they know I was still here? Maybe they can get me out, if I'm loud enough.

I'm still here.

I'm alive.

Somebody save me.

They can't hear me, can they? Am I stuck here? It felt like my eyes were closed. Maybe I am stuck here. This is what I wanted, isn't it? What did I want again? I wanted Conan. Can he save me?

Conan. Oh God, I can't leave Conan behind. I need him. I have to get back for him. Words like "pulse" and "breathing" caught my ears.

Something jolted through me. Ouch, that hurt. It felt like a shock. Another ran through my arms, my legs. I could feel them again. One last bolt of lightning struck me, it hit my head and trickled quickly down to my feet. Am I coming back yet? Something white hits my eyes, and I sit up in a hospital bed, beads of sweat tracing my forehead. 

"Conan!" I shouted, cold . "I'm here, Gavin." I looked into Conan's water blue eyes, and felt his hand on my shoulder. I started crying, and put my hand around his arm. "I missed you."

Word count: 1268

(damn my chapters are getting long i'm sorry)