INSTEAD, james potter [1]

Chapter Fifty

It had been hours and Lyra could still hear the screams. They echoed throughout her bedroom, like she was still torturing Robert Dowson. But she just sat on her bed, staring blankly into space.

She wanted to cry, she really did. She wanted nothing more. But it wouldn't come. She wasn't even sure if she felt sad, or in any sort of emotional pain. Lyra felt numb, because she wasn't sure if she could accept what she had done.

She had already felt like a horrible person just for going through a man's mind to gather information for the Death Eaters, in hope of saving her friend and cousin. Now she had tortured her old Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and led him to his death, all because she wasn't strong enough to stand up to the Dark Lord.

She knew it was a silly thought. Only the bravest Gryffindors, the ones modeled after Dumbledore himself, would be able to stand up to the darkest wizard since Grindlewald. Lyra was a Slytherin, even though she surrounded herself by Gryffindors. It wasn't who she was, nor was it who most people were. That didn't mean she felt any less guilty, though.

The young girl sat in silence for at least an hour, undisturbed. The moment someone walked into her room, she noticed within the second. She just wanted to be left alone, so she spoke softly. "Leave."

Rabastan frowned, never having seen her as she was now. There had always been a flicker of emotion on her face, whether it was real or fake. Now it was blank, concerning him. "You looked upset downstairs. It was hard for me to use the curse the first time, too."

"It's obviously gotten easier for you," Lyra spat. He didn't like the anger, or the reminder of his careless use of the curse during their mission during Easter break, but he appreciated her showing emotion again.

"The Dark Lord won't contact you until after Hogwarts. I made sure of it," he said, looking at her sincerely. For the first time, he seemed to realize that this wasn't the best path for her, not one she could handle. "But just in case, perhaps you should spend the rest of the summer at Lucinda's."

"Perhaps you're right," she responded, still refusing to look his way. She didn't know if she could spend another second in her house, which she had once loved and felt at home in. Now it was a cruel reminder of what she had done.

Rabastan sighed as he looked at her, realizing there wasn't much left to say. Not something she would want to hear, at least. He accepted this, and nodded his head slightly before taking a step, ready to walk out and leave.

But Lyra was suddenly reminded of the fact that Rabastan wasn't going to Hogwarts next year, that she wouldn't see him in the common room, or sit with him in Defense or Potions. She wouldn't see him in general. "Is this going to be the last time I see you? In a while, at least."

"It's likely," he answered shortly.

Lyra nodded for a moment, looking down at her feet. For a moment, she felt guilty for even being able to think about Rabastan with all she had done, which was all she should be able to think about. "Take care of yourself, will you?"

He offered her a small smile, though a bit awkward. He wasn't sure how they felt about each other at the moment, or what would be an acceptable course of action when it came to their goodbye. "I will."

The blonde wasn't sure why, but she felt herself standing up from her seat on the foot of her bed. She finally pulled her chin up, allowing her gaze to meet his. She was sure he noticed her lip quivering, though she wasn't sure if it was because of him or because of what had transpired earlier.

It was because of this that he suddenly rushed towards her, wrapping his arms around her. Lyra was unsure how she felt, but she still opened her arms for him, allowing him to hug her tightly. Against her better judgment, she hugged back.