Poetry Anthology

Self preservation

I have been nothing but kind
Patient
Loving
Coddling
And gentle.
I have been abused
Bullied
Hurt
Manipulated
And mistreated
Regardless I have kept my kind nature
A heart of innocence and understanding.
But with each time I have chosen someone over myself.
Every time I remember the abuse
Feel the hurt.
Every time I'm manipulated or mistreated
The constant disrespect
Like I ain't shit
I lose a piece of myself
An in exchange recieve
Self hatred.
Resentment.
A deep residing anger in the core of myself
A need to cause pain.
And disregard for human emotions.
That I have chosen to release in a form of self harm
In order to protect those who were the cause of it in the very first place.

But it has come to a point
Where I must decide
To become the opposite of what I am too preserve myself and sanity

Or

Continue to kill myself slowly in this painful way.
No one seems to care that the process has begun already.
No one seems to care that what they do affects the next person.
I'm working at a loss but for the sake of who?

You don't deserve my kindness.
I do.
An kind
Patient
Loving
Coddling
And gentle
Is how I will be with myself since no one seems to be that way with me.

-M