Why am I me?

Chapter 16

[I'm thinking of deleting this story since it reads a bit like a diary which, let's be honest, makes it pretty shit]

'This is not a date' 

Is this a date?

I never called it that, in fact I asked for a group to meet up so... no one would consider this a date surely.

I looked at Toto and Roy, they were holding hands but girls did that a lot, they were engrossed in a conversation, erupting in fits of laughter every once in a while stepping several paces in head of us.

Curly walked on my left, one hand in his pocket and the other dangling by our sides. I wondered if the hand was suggestive like he expected me to take it.

I wanted to.

Not romantically, I wanted to be able to hold his hand and have people question if we were dating or if we were just holding hands because that's 'just what people do' but I knew it would be different. Guys couldn't just hold hands platonically.

He had caught me looking his way several times and I could tell he thought it was for the same reason that I had caught him doing the same.

So far my mission to be out had succeeded but I had spoken somehow less than I would have if I was alone since we'd gotten off of the bus. The girls hadn't said one word to us other than a suggestion of where to go before they were marching in head in their own little bubble of giggles and likely lesbian love.

I breeze broke through my jacket and I failed to hide the shiver that raked through my body in response.

"You want my jacket?" Curly piped up immediately.

"No, no" I smiled tight lipped and moved slightly further away, he'd gotten closer again.

"It was just the breeze. I'm fine really" I look back down and watch my feet, trying to avoid the cracks without making it too obvious.

Two hands were suddenly on my shoulders, I let out a yelp as I was pulled into someone's chest.

"Look where you're going" I looked up to see Curly smiling down, I was huddled into his chest. He was warm and for a moment I almost found myself wanting to stay there and breath him in. I caught myself and pulled away clearing my throat.

"Thanks, I didn't see the lamppost I guess" I cringed as I looked up to see his grin, realising he must have taken my stammering and red face as an effect of him basically cuddling me rather than feeling generally awkward and being permanently red from the cold.

"No worries my liege" he winked and turned, forehead creasing as he looked back in front of us down the pavement.

"We lost the girls" I turned and sighed as I realised we were now alone. It was bad enough feeling alone with him but now we were literally alone with no giggling girl buffers.

"Did they say anywhere they specifically wanted to go?" I questioned as we started walking again, him trailing just behind. I decided if I kept up an act of looking for them it could save me from eye contact.

"I mean we could go get a hot chocolate or tea or coffee or something?" I didn't mean to appear rude but I ignored him and continued looking.

"They seamed pretty happy just them, I doubt they've even noticed or care if we're not with them" I sucked in a large breath through my nose and decided not to be rude.

"Maybe I should text them. We can do that while we wait for one of them to reply" I decide and head to the closest place.

Sitting alone at the back I could see he felt triumphant, though he hid it well.

"So what do you want?" he asked while I hid behind a menu eyes hardly reading the list of sweet treats.

"Huh?"

"What would you like?" he pulled out his wallet and sat on the edge of his seat as if preparing to race off.
"You aren't paying for me" I state, no question in my voice.

"Why not? My treat" he winked and waited for my order.

"No, seriously I would prefer to pay for myself" he raised an eyebrow, I could tell his confidence was wearing thin.

"Give me a reason why" he thought he had me but I wasn't afraid to be blunt.

"Because this isn't a date and if you buy me something I'll feel like I owe you" I reply, wincing only slightly. I wondered how he'd respond. If he'd laugh it off or accuse me of leading him on.

Instead he sat back down looking like his Mum had caught him sneaking a biscuit.

"I think I'm gonna go get a hot chocolate" I stand up to go order but can't move my feet when I stand. Sighing I turn to look down at him.

"You coming?" I stick my hand out for him to take. If Toto and Roy could hold hands and look platonic then so could we.