"What are you thinking?"
You turned your head toward the familiar voice beside you. A pair of kind, warm eyes met yours.
"You," you answered. A smile painted with longing and pain drew on your lips. It's always been you.
The man lying next to you smiled back. His eyes twinkled more than the starry night sky above the both of you.
"I miss you," he replied. His voice was like honey. A calm current in your chaotic ocean. "I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I miss you every heartbeat.”
You gazed back at the night sky. The night was beautiful. Your back brushing softly against the grass. You put your hands on your chest and breathed slowly.
As the wind rustled the leaves and the crickets continued to chirp lullabies, you glued your eyes above you. The moon was bright. For some reason you felt your eyes well up. It was like the first night you lied against the grass with him. Just stargazing, hearts hopeful, talking about the future like you had the slightest clue.
"What are you thinking now?"
The man leaned a little closer. You almost felt his breath on the skin of your neck. You closed your eyes tight and tried to contain the throbbing pain slowly brewing in your heart.
“Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't be fallen in love with?" You finally replied after a short pause. "Do you ever get that feeling when you're sitting in your room alone your thoughts wonder? You're not crying but you just feel sad and empty replaying moments from your life and wondering where it all went wrong?”
The man beside you didn't answer. You felt his weight against the grass beside you. He was looking at the twinkling stars against the inky black sky with eyes full of hope and wonder. Like a child on Christmas Day.
“I'm a strong person. But once in a while, I need someone to hug me and tell me everything's going to be okay.” You tried hard but your eyes betrayed you. A single tear ran down your cheek. A silent sob escaped your lips.
"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you," he began.
With hesitation, you did as what he told you to and opened your eyes. You were welcomed by little bright fireflies twinkling on the vast empty space. You fixed your eyes on the brightest star above. And somehow the heaviness on your chest started to ease. Your heart swelled with nostalgia. The bittersweet memory of the past overwhelmed your soul.
“I know you're tired. I know you're physically and emotionally drained. But you have to keep going." The man reached for your hand and gently squeezed it. His comforting words slowly soothed the raging fire inside you.
“I salute every single person who has ever found themselves in a dark place but rose above the pain. And I salute every single person who continues to stand tall with all their broken parts still intact,” the man continued.
He locked eyes with you and smiled. A smile that could melt even the hardest metal. "You may not be where you want to be, but you will get there. Stay strong. Everything's going to be okay.”
You wiped the tears off your cheeks with the back of your hand. "You always say that."
"Because it's true. You know that."
"Do I? Do I really know that?”
For the first time, the man was tight-lipped. You saw a glimpse of pain in his eyes like something or someone was slowly breaking his heart. And you knew it was you.
“I'm sorry. I just.. I just miss you so bad its crazy, you know?" You tried to smile as fresh batch of tears started to form. "I am lost. Terribly lost without you." You covered your eyes with the palms of your hands and just let the bottled emotion you were holding in for the longest time took over you. "I don't know what I am gonna do now that now that you're gone. Why did you leave me? Why all of a sudden? Tell me what am I gonna do now?”
The man extended his arm and hugged you tight. You felt his warmth all over your body. You buried your face on his chest wishing, praying this was all just a bad dream and eventually you'd wake up on the same bed beside him with the same smile that greeted you "good morning" every day.
"If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, dont be." He made circles on your back with his thumb like he always do when he comforts you.
"Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you to places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness. Don't waste time with regret. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you'll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart where your hope lives. You'll find your way again. You'll find me.”
For a moment, you wanted to get lost with his comforting words, his healing words. But your heart ached even more realizing the truth which you had always refused to accept. He was really gone. That he was never coming back. That like the stars in the night sky he was far and out of reach. He was reduced to stardust and the only thing you had was memories…
And then you found yourself lying on the ground hugging your knees close to your chest crying your heart out alone under the starry night sky.
