You don't like the night. It's when your darkest fears come to life. As the shadows creep, a silent lullaby starts to play in your sleep: a bullet through the head, a rope around the neck, a knife against the wrist...
A deafening silence echoes around you. As you lay with your eyes close, your mind is wide awake. Lurking in the abyss of your innermost thoughts is the perturbing idea: will it still hurt in the morning? Or will the pain finally take its toll? You listen as the voice in the dark whispers sweet nothings in your ears: a bullet through the head, a rope around the neck, a knife against the wrist...
You surround yourself with people. You make them company. You make them laugh with satisfied glee. But do they know? Do they understand? You fill the air around you with their laughter just so you can muffle the screaming voice of loneliness in your heart. You surround yourself with people. You make them company. But deep down you are inconsolably lonely. The lullaby continues: a bullet through the head, a rope around the neck, a knife against the wrist...
You put on a brave smile and put up a strong wall. You create a mirage so people won't see the losing battle of internal turmoil. You suppress the feeling hoping tomorrow will be different than today. But each day you grow tired. Hopelessness sprouts in the crevices of your rock-solid façade threatening to tear your wall down. And you begin to question your worth: "Why am I alive?" "Why must I suffer?" "If this is living, then why does it hurt so much?" You begin to hum the ominous tune: a bullet through the head, a rope around the neck, a knife against the wrist...
***
People get hurt. People get lonely. We should be aware and sensitive of the fact that people handle pain differently. Just because he is smiling does not mean he is fine. Just because he looks fine does not mean he is okay. The happiest people often are the most miserable souls. They hide their tears with a smile and their loneliness with laughter. They appear strong but in reality, they are slowly dying little-by-little inside.
When you are going through the pain of loneliness, remind yourself that no sufferings remain forever. Never let these negative emotions rule over your life. You are stronger than your worries, bigger than your fears and tougher than your anxieties. Taking one's own life is never the answer. Start to look at life in a new and positive perspective. Find happiness even in the littlest things. Look for a purpose to live no matter how simple it may be.
And more importantly, know that you are not alone. Never were. Talk to someone and share your problems. You never have to shoulder every thing on your own. God loves you, so do I.
#SuicideAwareness
