Hey Diary,
Today was awkward. Really awkward. It was super unexpected and surprising and I've kinda been left feeling a little confused.
Luke invited me to his house which surprised me because he normally comes to my house, mainly because Luke's house is normally pretty busy seeing as he has 2 older brothers. I'd like to go to Luke's more than I do though because I love his family, Liz and Andy (his mum and dad) are so funny and very friendly, they never fail to make you feel at home. Liz is very laid back, Luke could easily get away with going to parties and getting drunk and stuff if he wasn't such a goody two shoes. But Liz is also not too laid back, she would definitely put you in your lane if she needed to. Luke's brothers (Jack and Ben) are super nice and friendly also, and they're both very good looking, they get all the girls. Luke is the spitting image of them actually.
As soon as I arrived, Liz was pampering to my every need, getting me drinks and snacks. It was really annoying Luke as he just wanted to be able to speak to me without getting interrupted by his mother every 2 seconds.
"See, this is why I prefer going to your house." he said seriously, but a smirk creeped across his face. "So, you're probably wondering why I dragged you all the way to my mad house."
Smiling, I replied "it has crossed my mind."
"I learnt another song" he beamed, grabbing his guitar.
I recognised the tune as soon as he started playing it. It was Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. Luke played it so perfectly it gave me goosebumps and butterflies filled my stomach. Once he had finished, he took my hands and cradled them with his own, they were warm and clammy. He then said something I can't get out of my head.
"Lexi, you know I love you right?"
I frowned, not quite understanding what he meant. We sat in silence for several seconds just staring at each other, he was trying to read my expression.
"Uh, as a friend, I mean, obviously."
I can't get his words out of my head. Even though he said as a friend, he didn't convince me, and when he said he loved me it was filled with so much emotion. But then again, that could be because we've been through so much together and we do care about each other. It's perfectly fine and possible for Luke to love me, just as long as he's not IN love with me because that would just be complicated. I'm not sure how I would feel about that, or if I would feel the same. I guess it's hard to tell. But I'm sure he's not in love with me, because who would be? I'm not worth loving, and Luke is too good for me.
It felt kinda awkward the whole time after that, I even ended up making up an excuse to leave... I have never done that before, I've always wanted to spend every passing moment with Luke, but today I just couldn't wait to leave.
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Luke just text me saying: sorry if it was awkward today, Lex. I could tell you felt uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I know you've been feeling down lately and I wanted to cheer you up. I know you're insecure and I wanted to make you feel beautiful. Because you are, I promise. Lexi, I love you. I love you a lot. You mean the world to me, we're inseparable. But I'm not IN love with you, I just wanted to make that clear because I can tell thats how you took my gesture. You may not have said anything but I can read you like a book. And it's my fault, not yours, I came off as a bit "keen" I guess...
Well you could say I'm pretty relieved. I'm also super smily right now because he cares about me a lot and it's such a nice feeling to be cared for.
He's always got my back and I've always got his.
-L
