Diary,
Luke came round. He explained himself, and everything makes sense now, it really does. Even though it all makes sense though, doesn't mean I'm not confused, as I am. I'm extremely confused. What he told me, I wasn't expecting to hear come out of his mouth in a million years. However, everyone else around us always predicted it to happen, yet I was so blind to it. It's funny how other people observe you and can see the truth, yet you yourself cannot, even though you're the one involved.
I opened the door to him and it looked like he hadn't slept in days, I sighed knowing I was most likely the reason. He looked so awkward yet so confident as he walked through the door.
"Lex, I'm so sorry. You need to listen to me though, I'm going to tell you the truth about everything." he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this."
"Best friends don't keep secrets from each other." I pointed out.
"Yes, you're completely right, which is why I'm about to tell you." he opened his mouth again but no words came out, he put his head in his hands and grunted in frustration before looking back at me.
"Lexi, I love you. I don't just love you, I'm in love with you. Every time I've said I'm not has been a lie because I'm crazy about you. And I have no idea how you haven't realised because I make it so obvious." he nervously laughed "Everyone knows it, apart from you."
I went to open my mouth to respond but I had no idea what to say. My best friend had just admitted he was in love with me, I couldn't process it.
"Lex, I lied to you and went to that party by myself because I wanted to get over you. I want to get over you, because I know you don't love me back. I wanted to get with some random girl at that party so I could forget about my true feelings. But I don't think I can. Every time I see you I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart skips so many beats, it's impossible to ignore."
Do I feel the same way? Do I love him? Am I in love with him? These questions kept continuously going through my mind, I did not want to break his heart and lose my best friend forever, I also did not want to date him because it would feel wrong to me. There was no positive way out of this situation, the realisation of this hit me like a truck. I'm going to lose my best friend one way or another. I know it's going to happen. The only way I won't lose him is if I date him but if I don't feel the same way then it would all be a lie. Why does he have to love me? Why can't I love him back? Do I love him back? I have no idea how I feel. Maybe I'm in love with him and I don't realise it, I'm 14, I've never been in love before so how would I know what it feels like?
He left. He didn't even wait for me to reply, he just walked out the door. He had told me what he needed to tell me and he left.
I don't know what to do now. I don't know where we go from here.
-L
AN: ayyyy just realise the date of this is christmas eve, how depressing. This is going to be the last chapter of 2010, I'm leaping straight onto 2011 in the next entry. This story is far from over, thankyou for reading if you are and pls pls vote, ily 💕
