The scars on my neck...

Chapter IX

I didn't stay asleep for long. I woke up and noticed Ryder wasn't beside me.

I sat up and I could hear him talking. He was on the phone with somebody.

"No! Please Gabby you don't understand im sorry im sorry"

I crept around the corner into the living room.

He dropped his phone and I could hear Gabby yelling at him.

"Nate... Gabby was right... I'm a terrible..." He paused and took a shot.

"Abusive..." he took another.

"Monster..." He took a third.

"And I deserve to die" he pulled out a pocket knife from his jacket pocket and sliced deep into his wrist.

The image itself was traumatic, even so, I ran to our bathroom and got some bandages.

I ran into the room. he was leaning up against the couch, once a strong beautiful man turned into a weak half dead bloody shell.

I quickly wrapped up his arms, crying violently as I did.

"N-Nate... l-let me die..." he said.

"No! Never. I love you please no!" I hugged him and he weakly returned the hug. He picked up the knife and went to cut again, I grabbed it out of his hand and simply threw it.

"Ryder... you're better than this... please, im begging you. Put down the drink and come with me."

"Nate... I won't die... see? I'm okay. Dizzy... but okay..."

"I won't leave your side," I said as I pulled him into a kiss.

"Hey, Nate... when I bit you... did you like it?" He asked seeming out of the blue.

"Y-yeah why?" I wasn't lying. I really enjoyed it, but the shift had confused me. He went from suicidal to horny way too quick.

"May I?" He licked the side of my neck, near the artery but not close enough.

"Mmhm" I answered. He bit hard, hard enough that I was sure he'd drawn blood.

"Ah!" I moaned loudly as he did.

"Mm~," he said pulling back. He took another shot and leaned back against the couch. There wasn't much left in him.

"How many have you had...?" I said to him.

"I don't know... I stopped keeping count after 12 or so"

"Ryder! No more please."

He pushed my hand away and poured another shot.

"Hey... I'm sorry for everything. You're perfect. That's not the alcohol talking. I love you, Nate. And I'm truly sorry." He took the shot then blacked out, the shot glass rolling about 2 metres away.

I wasn't sure what to do, but I was scared he might not wake up. I really started to panic when I felt his incredibly weak pulse. His skin wasn't the right colour and he felt colder than usual, especially after he passed out.

I pulled out my phone and called 9-1-1

I told them what happened and they said they'd come. I felt a huge rush of anxiety hit me. I picked up his phone. Gabby must have hung up a while ago, but there was some blood on it, and it made me feel sick inside.

Next thing I knew I was in the hospital. Impatiently waiting for him to get better. While waiting, I found myself often scratching at my neck, I knew there would be some scars there

It didn't matter to me, I just wanted him to be okay.

After an hour or so, a doctor came in and said to me in a low voice.

"He's not going to make it overnight... im so sorry... would you like to say goodbye?" I bit my lip again, but I still cried right in front of her. I only nodded as she led me to his room.

"I'll be back in 5 minutes." The doctor said.

"Take as long as you need." I nodded again, still unable to speak. He looked so peaceful. His head slightly to the side and his brown bangs brushed over. The rest of his body was covered by a blanket.

"R-Ryder..." I knew he couldn't hear me.

"I love you." I knew he couldn't respond.

I reached for his hand. I knew he couldn't hold mine.

I leaned forward and kissed him. I put my tongue inside his mouth and touched his. He felt really dry. I kept our lips locked for a while. I don't know if I was imagining it, if it was just a reaction, or if he really was awake enough to make a desperate attempt to move his tongue and kiss me back. I swear his tongue fluttered up, trying to reach mine, and show me one last I love you.

I finally broke the kiss and started crying again. I looked up to see the doctor standing there.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," she said. "Couples do things like this all the time. I assume you were with this man?"

I nodded and said in a weak voice

"4 months..."

"I'm sorry. We'll do what we can... but..."

"I-I understand..." I left the room in a flurry of tears.