Etched

Chapter 23

 A hissing whoosh of air touched my face in a gentle caress, the salty chilly wind danced in my locks, hitting my body with coaxing attempts to melt away the burning ball of pain. The pain that had been a consistent part of my being for what seems like forever.

My feet sank in the velvety grains of cool sand on their own. My eyes took notice of how the soft shore felt soothing under me as I was sat on the ground. I scraped and took hold of as much sand as I could in my fist but it slipped right out of the gaps in my fingers despite my arrogant attempt to have it kept.

My hands returned being empty bringing a cold feeling to me on realizing  how my efforts of overcoming the dread have been washed away by my fear which is still deeply embedded and leaves me empty just like that. My other hand however, was pressed in a tender squeeze returning the warmth and replacing the coldness, igniting my heart with a peculiar emotion.

As I looked to my right, I took notice of the man sitting so close to me, gazing at me intently. My red rimmed eyes blinked at him but didn't decide to stop staring. His eyes crystal like, reflecting moon light and the pearly waves making them so breathtaking that it was a struggle to look anywhere but in the depths of green.

Gabriel held our entwined hand and placed them on his lap. His gaze now focused on the glittering dark blue ocean. The beauty of it being so relaxing and easing that it fulfilled the purpose in trying to whisk away one's sorrow and retreat it along with the returning waves to leave a person juggling at admiring the nature's beauty and to temporarily let go of despair, just to drown in the vast blue.

"When I told you I don't directly fall asleep when I'm tired..." he looked at me, "...this is where I come" I nodded at him taking in the wide expanse of the crashing waves.

He continued, "It helps me"

I didn't say anything. What was there to say for I knew that if I did open my mouth, I would break yet again and there's only enough a person can take. Gabriel had comforted me earlier but he would back away this time around because who wants to deal with people carrying emotional baggage. People like me.

He thinks that the reason for my trauma and the breakdown had been the terror. The fact that I was scared of having known a break-in happened in my apartment. That is all he knew, not that it brought memories, better yet nightmares.

"I know you have nightmares" he spoke in a blank voice not meeting my eyes and my breath hitched. My eyes shot towards him and my breathing altered. I dug my free hand deeper in the sand wishing to melt in it to disappear.

 I didn't tell anyone about my nightmares, their reason and what they do to me excluding a handful of people who'd gotten the idea of them because of being with me since forever. I couldn't tell anyone not even my closest friends because I didn't want them to treat me differently. Anyone to eye me in indifference.

I didn't want people to pity me because it's so irritating when someone looks down at me considering that I've spent my life in trying to forget what had happened because I didn't do good with constant pain and I wanted to pull myself out of misery. I was tired of crying and living in agony which is why I chose to ignore the pain.

Even when the nightmares were a constant arrival and a talk of everyday, I didn't deem it necessary to go informing people because I thought it was irrelevant to involve others and have them dwell over the matters which I'm desperately trying to overlook.

My nightmare had been my weakness, a point anybody could use to disarm me and to tear at my soul. I had not so pleasant experiences of having them used as leverages when I was in middle school and used to get bullied because I was a quiet girl who had strange dreams and was a loser.