Cruel Reviews

The Moment We Met by IvashkovLightwood

30-8-2019

This is my seventh review and it's for The Moment We Met. Keep in mind that this review may no longer apply after a while, if the writer happens to edit their stuff eventually. 

I would get the grammatical/spelling mistakes out of the way but there's only one that I could find.

Most friends who sit down, not sits down. 

The tenses were all in order as well, to the author's credit. There is no case of misused vocabulary either, so the author did not damage the prose by trying to use fancy vocabulary that had no use being there. 

The writing is simple and the author makes it work to build the atmosphere of numbness after grief. She doesn't skimp on the relationship building either, taking the time to talk about her golfing with her grandfather. It helps build a more complete picture, though I feel as though not enough time was spent with the grandparents. Of course, that could simply be the nature of her relationship with them. 

The author does it all right, and yet, the writing does not quite flow. This can be a bit difficult to pin down. The personality in the writing isn't there. It is numb and simple the way it is supposed to be, but the sentence structure doesn't flow the way a person's voice would. This is one of the things that makes writing in the first person difficult. Reading it out loud could help.

The chapter is narrated in the first person by Lennon, who is a girl around 18 years of age attempting to cope with the anniversary of the death of her family from five years ago. She lives with her religious grandparents, who are kind and understanding enough to accommodate her and at night, speaks on the phone with her friend Maddy about starting school the next day after spring break. 

Lennon reveals a good deal of back story, talking about her summer this year. Which is okay. But perhaps the entirety of the back story was given too soon. For example, the part with her grandparents could have been offered after they had been introduced instead. 

Lennon is emotionally volatile at times, reacting with what I would call dramatic statements at times. This makes sense, because of everything she has been through. It does however, create a bit of a contrast with the first person narration, which exclusively projects numbness instead. 

What the protagonist seemingly lacks in personality, her best friend Maddy makes up for. Her dialogue is more exciting, flows better and suits her personality well. She's the quirky best friend but she's also more mature and stable. 

There are no hints given as to how the plot will develop, other than a casual name drop by Maddy of a new entry to Lennon's band practice. So she's driving the plot in more ways than one. Because the author takes the time to do the 'boring' world building, she does successfully generate some interest in what is to come in the later chapters.

That brings me to the end of my review. This review was for only the first chapter and the author has six of them out so far. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE WRITING IvashkovLightwood!