Cruel Reviews

No name by hayleymagness

6-9-2019

This is my 15th review and it's for No name. Keep in mind that this review may no longer apply after a while, if the writer happens to edit their stuff eventually.

I want to get a few grammatical/spelling errors out of the way. Well no spelling errors that I found. More like issues I have with the writing. 

Black space seems a rather confusing way to describe a show case. 

The smiling is repeated far too often. Once it has been established, stating it over and over becomes redundant and makes the writing sound repetitive. 

Rested my forehead, not rest. There are a few other instances of the tense switching to the present tense when the narrative has already been established in the past tense. 

The story is told in the first person, and while several times in these reviews I end up critiquing the disconnect between the prose and the dialog, I don't have to do that much here. The author has kept the writing congruent and avoided this pitfall, except for maybe one or two instances where the grammar or vocabulary used do not flow smoothly. 

The plot revolves around a girl named Alice, who is waiting at an interview or audition for a music program when she is interrupted by a boy named Brayden, following which she has a panic attack and quickly reschedules. She speaks on the phone to some friends who reveal that this is not the first time she has rescheduled. After a time skip, she is shown to be on a plane, heading home. It is revealed that her father has passed away and the lines in italics encouraging her to continue with her music are his, constantly recounted by Alice.

The author uses one of the protagonist's memories as stand alone dialog lines in italics to shape her backstory but not give any of it away and that's well done, I think. But then it's given away later on in the chapter. Which is okay because the author has allowed that to happen naturally through the story, rather than throwing out backstory in the middle. It's been done well. 

I also thought that the build up of the anxiety attack was really well written. The conversation and her thoughts are told in alternating lines, building up the tension until it explodes and kudos to the author for that. 

I do find myself a bit underwhelmed by the two male characters briefly showcased in the story. And it's a problem I see far too often here. They're supposed to be witty and charming. Instead, they sound like boys who saw what they thought were witty and charming characters on tv and are trying to emulate them. Maybe the glimpses I had of them were too short to judge. But from what I saw, they need work. 

That brings me to the end of my review. This book has 73 chapters (wow). This review was for only the first chapter. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE WRITING hayleymagness!