XII • the angel and the devil

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It's been four days since the incident with Nikki happened

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It's been four days since the incident with Nikki happened.

Never did I ever expect him to hurt me like he did last saturday. I knew Nikki's demeanor could change when he was intoxicated, but I never thought that he even had the guts to do something like this.

After he sprinted out of my house, I fell to my knees and sobbed for hours. I couldn't get my breathing back to normal and I was bawling my eyes out to the point where my head started to pound like crazy. 

I couldn't believe that I had threatened to shoot him. I couldn't believe that my anger got so bad that I even thought about it. I even couldn't fucking believe that I was still keeping the gun that had caused me so much pain.

God, I really have issues.

Nikki tried to contact me a thousand times after the incident. He called me at least once every two hours, he showed up at my doorstep every single evening and even tried to win over Meghan into trying to talk to me, but she didn't give in so easily. I told Meghan what happened and that I really didn't want to see him. She kept making up excuses so that I didn't have to face him. I owe her big time. 

For the past four days I had been isolating myself again, just like I did right after what happened with Jake. I was constantly in a high state of mind, smoking a shit load of weed and snorting all of the blow that I had left, which was now down to zero. Whenever something like this happens in my life, I tend to get all self-centered and detached from everything that's happening around me. I felt like I was floating the entire time and I didn't have it in me to get up and go do something anymore. I was an emotional, fucked up wreck, and I wasn't planning on changing that anytime soon.

I was currently laying in bed, smoking a joint while watching MTV. My room was starting to smell like a full blown coffeeshop from all of the weedsmoking I did in here. There was a faint knock on my door. Knowing that it was Meghan who stood at the other side, I shouted a quick 'yeah' to let her in. She slowly opened the door and peeked inside, her nose scrunching up at the smell.

"Jesus Christ, Lili. It smells like a fucking frat house in here." she told me, coughing. I rolled my eyes and sunk further in my sheets. She let out a sigh when she looked at my appearance. 

"You look like shit. Is there anything I can do for you? Get you something to eat? Run you a nice bath?" she asked while her thumb examined the bruises Nikki left on my face. My droopy eyes looked up at her and a small smile made it's way on my face. She was literally the best. Even in my worst state of mind, she still wanted to take care of me.

"No, I'm fine Meg. I'm okay." I quietly told her while taking another drag of my joint. She made her way in, even though she really didn't want to because of the fucking smell, and sat down on my bed.

"Lili, you're not okay. You've been isolating yourself for the past four days, only eating when I brought you dinner. Have you even cleaned yourself up? Your hair is tangled as shit." she stated while trying to comb out my hair with her fingers. 

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