One Last Entry | Bellarke ✔️

No. 101

Hey. It's me, Clarke Griffin. This is entry no. 101. It's been almost half a year since I last saw them. They're probably still sleeping. They're definitely still sleeping. I want to sleep, too. It'd be so much easier.

But I can't. Every time I try to . . . I dream about them. What we could have been if they stayed with me on 'Earth'. There's mostly only ashes on the ground. Almost no earth anymore.

I'm sitting in the last green space. Has a lake. Clean water. Woods. Reminds me a lot of Shallow Valley. I miss that place.

We didn't deserve this planet. Never have and never will.

I miss him. I miss Bellamy so much. I hope he'll see this one day. You will see this one day, okay, Bellamy? You'll come back down once you've woken up, and this piece of paper will be right there, where you left me. You'll see this one day . . . which is why I'm telling this to you now.

When you wake up, Bellamy Blake, know that from the moment you first stuttered in that bunker, I knew I was going to fall for you. You're brave, kind, loyal (most times, Octavia, don't roll your eyes), and so full of love. I saw it everyday, whether it was towards your sister, towards your friends, or towards your past relationships. I'm sorry about Echo. I really am. I think she was just starting to warm up to me. Then . . . she was gone. I hated the pain in your eyes, the hatred you felt towards me.

But I bear it so that they don't have to.

I bear the hatred, so that you won't hate yourself. I'm sorry I pulled the trigger. And I know sorry doesn't cut it. But I'm truly, unforgettably . . . sorry.

Bellamy Blake. I love you. Sure, I didn't express it the moment you shouted with your big mouth 'WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT!' Of course I disagreed with you, but you had that fire no one could miss. Not any of my past relationships compare to what I felt, feel, and will always feel for you. Finn and Lexa just shaped me into the person I am. Love was never weakness. It was power.

And I am sorry for leaving you alone up there. Well, not alone alone. You do have Octavia and Indra and Madi. Take good care of her. That child means more to me than my own life. She saved me. And so did you. I found family in you two. A refuge. A place in my heart to call . . . home. And I'll never forget you for that. Never. Ever. Ever.

You're my first and last love, Bellamy Blake. I love you. I can't believe I'm saying this to an ass. I love you, Bellamy. I wish you were here, on the last green bit on Earth, with me. I need you in my arms again. I need to be in your arms again. I need to say it to you, Bellamy. I need to say those three words to you.

I'll draw a picture. A picture of The 100. The unfortunate 100, who got sent down in order for humanity to survive.

I'll draw Wells, Charlotte, Miller, Murphy, Octavia, Finn, Monty, Harper, Jasper, even Raven, you, and I.

I'll draw for the ones who died, and for the ones who survived, for the ones who lost their humanity, and for those who found it again.

I'll draw for us, Bellamy. For a future . . . a future you and I never had. A second, chance we never got. A future we deserved.

One last drawing. To accompany one last entry. I promise. And then . . . then, that's it. I'll be gone.

I love you so much, Bellamy. It's selfish, to want you here, but I'm done doing or thinking what's best for my people (that's a lie, and you know it). I want what's best for myself, too. And my heart wants you. It's selfish, I know, but it's the truest thought I've ever thought.