Never Look Back: A New Dawn

The Play Date - 3

        I paced nervously around my living room with my cell phone gripped tightly into my hand. It had been three days since I’d last seen her, but this morning after I dropped off Hannah, I wanted nothing more than to go up and talk to her. That was just one of my mere, skin deep desires. I was sure that if I let myself dig deeper, I’d fall victim to more impure thoughts and wild fantasies. Yet now, I was the one acting like the teenager. What was I so afraid of?

        History, Ryan, that’s what you’re afraid of.

        My thoughts rattled me.

        History will only repeat itself.

        No.

        You can’t escape the past. She’ll find out all about the kind of person you really are. She’ll know about what you’ve done. You can only keep it hidden for so long…

        I’m not the same person! I’ve changed… Things are different now.

        Then prove it. Call her.

        It’s wrong. She’s too young, she should be with someone her age, and I shouldn’t get involved.

        But you want to! Admit it, when you saw her you had all sorts of thoughts. She’s an adult, it’s not illegal… She wants you just as much as you want her, you know that. Call her.

        I did it. I dialed her number and waited anxiously as the digital rings were pounding in my ears. It was beyond suspenseful, and for nearly no reason at all, but it still made me jumpy. When the ringing came to a stop and a feminine tone answered, I became still.

        “Hello?” she said.

        “Hey, Andrea. It’s me, Ryan…” The silence on the other end of the line made it feel like the world went silent. I wasn’t sure if she’d start to bellow out angry screams, or if she’d come off soft and sweet. I had a feeling there wouldn’t be much of a middle ground.

        “Oh, Ryan. Um, what’s up?” she asked unsteadily.

        “Nothing really. How are you?” I asked, trying my hardest not to sound like an absolute idiot.

        “I’m fine. You?”

        “I’m good… Hey, I was wondering, if Alex wasn’t busy today, maybe him and Hannah could have a playdate? She’s pretty bored around here, and I’ll be home all day,” I suggested.

        “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Ryan,” she quickly replied, hardly letting any time pass for my offer to sink in.

        “I’m sorry with what happened the other day, I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that. I’d, uh, hate for things between us to be awkward if we’re gonna be seeing each other every mornin’ during drop-offs. I guess what I’m trying to say here is… do you want to come over? But also bring your brother so it looks like I’m trying to be a good dad when really, I just want to see you?” I heard her chuckle girlishly from the other end of the line, which gave me the mental image of her cheeks turning warm and pink, but she was given the concealer that came with talking over the phone to hide it.

        “When should I come over?” she asked, her voice suddenly becoming low and hushed. It sent chills down my spine.

        “Whenever is best. Hell, now works. I live on 87 Cambridge Avenue. I’m in apartment 3F.”