Never Look Back: A New Dawn

Blackout - 10

        Finally, after all the hours spent on the road, I found that eerily familiar dirt road that led up to the nineteenth century ranch set on ten acres of open land. The house was just as I left it nearly twenty years ago. It was an old structure with white siding, some parts chipping away. Its porch wrapped around the side and always reminded me of the charming south. There were two stories, but three if you counted the attic, and every window had shutters painted navy to match the shingles on the roof. What surprised me the most was that even after all these years, mother kept the blue and pink hydrangeas near the sides of the steps up to the porch intact.

        I pulled the pickup up to the same location where previous tire tracts crushed the lush grass and parked. I paused, almost debating whether or not to get out of the car or turn back around. Rose was beside me when she sensed my discomfort. She placed her hand along my shoulder and tried soothing the anxious hesitation away.

        “You can do this,” she hushed. I nodded and forced myself out from the car, and once my feet hit the familiar, South Carolina soil, I was flashed back to my times spent here in my younger years. I made myself block out the memories, even the good ones, just so I can concentrate on walking up those four, intimidating steps that led to the front door.

        With Hannah and Rose next to me, I climbed up the steps with shaky, weak legs, approached the door that has yet to have been changed since I left, and banged my fist against its off white, rotting, wooden surface. My heart skipped beats with each knock, and I was sure I was about to take off, but sooner than later, the door swung open and I was met with the same loving, endearing woman I left behind at sixteen.

        She was so different than the last time I remembered her. Her eyes were still the same identical hazel of mine, but only now had finer lines surrounding their corners. Her lips were as pink as in my memory, but grew thinner and slightly shriveled. Her hair was mostly a dark, deep brown, but strands of silver appeared. She was pale, her skin was looser but still kept the rosy hue on her cheeks and spots of freckles. She still had that same painful expression she did when my dad was around, but when she found my eyes they watered in what I hoped was of nothing but elation and relief. Her thin arms threw themselves over me and pulled me in for a snug embrace.

        “Ryan… Oh, my sweet baby boy, let me have a look at you!” She scanned my frame head to toe, which was significantly larger than in my teen years. She was left in awe to see the metamorphosis, even though she always got pictures during the holidays of Hannah and I. “You’re actually here,” she cried, her voice dry with a slight rasp.

        “I’m here Mom, I’m here… How’re you doing?” I asked while pulling away and mustering the softest, most gentle tone I could.

        “Better now that you’re here, but I don’t know… It was so sudden and I still think it was all a dream, but he’s not here! He’s not here and I don’t know what to do!” I wiped her tears away from her wet cheeks and gave her a peck on the forehead.

        “Oh, Mom… You don’t gotta worry ‘bout that. You’re gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of it. In the meantime, there’s someone I want you to meet. I thought it might take your mind off things,” I suggested.

        Rose emerged from behind me and extended her arm out to her. As an unsurprising reaction, my mother pulled her in for a hold as strong as the one she gave me. She was always up for meeting new people, even in a time like this.

        “You must be her! I’ve been dying to meet you, Rose, is it?” she asked.

        “Yes, and, Mrs. McCoy, if I’m imposing in any way-”