To Catch a Sunset

Chapter 31

Ally

The sounds of the birds and wildlife outside ease any nerves I may have. Not that I really had any, I was pretty calm at this very moment. The thought that trouble wasn't far away weighed in the back of my mind. I let those thoughts stay there and continue with my breakfast prep. The sounds of footsteps caught my attention. I smile as I see Nancy coming my way. She returns my smile, I take notice that she looks much better than she did last night. I hope she feels better too, even though I suspect she doesn't.

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" She pulls me into a hug.

"I didn't sleep that well, but better after our talk." She rubbed my arms as she stepped back. She eyes the stove, "Need any help in here?" I nod

"Sure you want to get the grits going? I'm just doing a simple breakfast this morning. I have a breakfast casserole in the oven. I figured we need grits too." Nancy nods as she gets out the supplies she needs.

"So what time will Cindy and those sweet little angels get here?" Her smile at the mention of the girls warms me. I'm glad something is making her smile, she needs it right now. I slide next to her to use the sink.

"Hour maybe, we really didn't set a time, but the girls have dance class at noon so I figure soon." Nancy nods as she stirs the grits and places a tight lid on top of the pot.

"They really are just the sweetest girls. Well maybe not a sweet as my Rachel but pretty darn close." I let a short laugh escape, sounds like a real grandmother to me. Nancy shakes her head with a chuckle. "Sorry, was that bad."

"No, not at all, that's your grandbaby, I get it." Nancy smiled again, only this time she did so while giving me a side glance. A glance that was suddenly making me a little nervous. Scratch that big nervous,whatever that means.

"So Ally you want kids right?" I shift uncomfortably and dart to the cabinet below me, hoping she can't see the horror on my face. Why must everyone in this family ask me this? As I stand up I see her eyeing me suspiciously. "Shoot did I say something wrong?" She bites her nails as she asks.

"No Nancy, why do you think that?" Try and dodge the subject, hell let's change it.

"You look like you swallowed needles. If you don't want kids, I won't like you any less. I don't think that is even possible." Now I'm speechless, just when I want to avoid the subject she has me wanting to confess everything. Damn she's good. I steady myself because I can't believe what I'm about to say. I motion towards the stools and she follows and we sit next to each other.

"Yes I want kids, very much." I pause when she begins to speak.

"You always seem so uncomfortable when the topic is mentioned. I'm not sure why, I'm sure you will make a wonderful mother. I see how kids respond to you, I actually can't wait to see you as a mother." Her words smack me right in the heart. There is no stopping the escaping tear gliding down my cheek or the words about to come out of my mouth.

"Nancy, that is very sweet but you're not wrong. I don't really like that particular topic, the one of motherhood. See the thing is I am a mother." Nancy pulls back and studies my face. I'm not sure if she believes me or not, almost like she's waiting for the punchline. I grab her hand and continue. "I don't have a child hidden somewhere, I was pregnant in college. I had an accident, well more like an altercation and well I lost the baby." The rubbing of Nancy's hand on mine is the only thing keeping me together. Her sympathetic eyes are almost my undoing. I focus on the warmth of her motherly touch, a touch I have always craved and continue to speak. "So when people tell me I will make a good mother, well I want to scream, I am a mother. No I didn't get to meet him or hold him, but from the moment I discovered him growing inside of me I loved him. I was his mother, his death didn't change that." Nancy wraps me up with her warm arms. Holding me she whispers.