Breathe.

13

Toni Braxton

He was gone. Ronnie was gone. Three bullets. The first two hit his leg and stomach. That last bullet was a chest shot. He didn't even give Ronnie a chance to live. This was the ninth time— the ninth time that the police force had taken a young black males life in this town and still only black folks were talking about it. Almost like it wasn't knocking on other minorities front doors next.

Another funeral. Another— another funeral. More bells. More. More bells. Lift every voice and sing. Till Earth and... Till Earth and Heaven. Ring. Ring. Ring. The bells. The bells are ringing again. I— I can't take the bells.

It wasn't effecting the white peoples homes. In fact they were sleeping well. The fake wokes attended the school and swore they weren't racist or anything of the sort because one of their family members had been best friends with a black man or woman. Sometimes I just wanted to say, 'News Flash, it's not the same thing.'

Keith had gotten away with one bullet to his shoulder. They'd taken the bullet out and he was healing from it. Ryan was a nervous wreck here lately, but who could blame her? She'd almost been stripped of her boyfriend in mere seconds on a live via social media.

"Bae!" Fessa's voice yanked me out of my thoughts as I sat on her bed in silence. It was Saturday and Ronnie's funeral was in a few days. She walked in after a few moments and smiled softly. "What you doing just sitting here? I thought we were gonna watch a movie?"

She sat next to me and I sighed. "Just thinking and we can."

"You alright?" I went to nod and she spoke again. "Seriously baby. Are you okay? Ever since you saw the video, I've noticed that you've gotten back in your shell full time but you don't have to be in your shell with me. It's me baby, talk to me. You don't have to hold this by yourself anymore."

I shook my head even though I knew I wasn't alright. "I'm okay. I am. Just been thinking about the cops."

"Yeah same. Let's not think about it right now though." She mumbled softly before turning to me and kissing my lips. I kissed her back as she pulled me closer to her. Those butterflies erupted inside of me as we made out. Moving, I straddled Nafessa as my hands went to her cheeks. She smiled into our kisses and I felt her grab my waist to keep me where I was.

When we pulled apart for a moment, we were panting slightly. I made a decision to tell her something. "I'm a virgin."

Her eyes widened. "You are? No. There's no way. You cannot be a virgin kissing like that."

Chuckling, I nodded. "I am though! I've just kissed before. That's it."

"Aww." She hugged me tightly and my face scrunched up as she began being childish. "My babies a virgin. Untouched and all. Aww."

"Let me go Fessa." I laughed as she squeezed me.

"Just pure." She smiled but didn't let me go.

"Everyone I know isn't one."

"Well. We gave it to assholes mostly. The only one who gave it to someone worthy was Ryan because her and Keith are still together."

"What if I want to give mines to you? I mean, you're worthy."

Nafessa was taken aback by what I said and she took a moment before replying. "I mean T, sure if you want me to then.... sure?"

"You don't want to... never mind. It was a bad idea." I dismissed it as I tried to get off of her lap.

She tightened her grip. "No baby, wait. It's not that. Seriously it's not, but I just want to make sure that me taking it is really what you want. Of course I only want to date you but life happens and I need you to know that I have no problem waiting. Don't try to rush it just to say you lost it. I cherish you way more than to just take it anyways. We have to lay out a red carpet."

I chuckled. "Shut up."

"I'm serious. Have roses on the bed and pedals on the floor. We could do it all the way up." She mumbled as she began thinking about it.

My finger went under her chin as I connected our lips again. She leaned back and pulled me down on top of her as we made out. I cuffed the sides of her face as I felt her hand slide down my back and under my shirt. She simply rubbed my skin while we continued kissing.

Someone cleared their throats and we jumped off of each other. Our eyes met with Nafessa's mother who was sending us a look in her scrubs. "So... um, I don't think I was supposed to see that one."

"Mom."

"But you know what this means..." She trailed off as Nafessa stood up and walked to her bedroom door.

"Mom. Don't say—."

"A coming out party!" Her mom yelled overly excited just when Nafessa went to shut the door. Momma Janilla stopped it from shutting as I covered my face in embarrassment. "Please Fessa?!"

"No mom. Stop being weird. Shut my door!" Nafessa whined out and I still didn't pick my head up. "Look, you're embarrassing Toni."

"No I'm not! So how long has this been going on?" Momma J asked.

I heard Nafessa sigh before answering. "A few months."

"You're grounded." Momma J suddenly got serious and I picked my head up as my eyes widened.

Fessa had just gotten off from being grounded for fighting the last time. It wasn't because of the fact that she did fight, but it was over the fact that she didn't want to take her pills which probably was a lead factor of why she did fight. She was irritable that day and apparently the pills would have mellowed her out.

"Are you serious?" Nafessa squinted at her mom.

Momma J went all dramatic as her hand flew to her chest. "Yes, because for months you didn't tell me anything! Wait til I tell my bestie Evelyn about this."

"No!" Fessa and I both yelled causing her to jump.

She searched our faces before settling on mines. "She doesn't know..."

"She can't know Momma J... If she finds out she'll freak. My dads a pastor and he doesn't play. I just can't risk it at least until I graduate." I informed her slowly.

I was relieved when she nodded. "Okay. We won't tell her then. Just be careful you two. I'm happy for you guys, but the world is cruel so girls serious, just be careful."