Breathe.

21

Toni Braxton

I knew this would be hard. Getting her to talk would be hard because for some reason she hated me. I could see that from a mile away— I knew that this wouldn't be the easiest mission but I needed to know. Walking up to her, I spoke.

"Ryan texted me earlier.." She didn't say anything and I continued. "Nafessa, I know you aren't my biggest fan right now, but can we please just discuss what happened and why you're this upset with me?"

She scoffed. "Toni, get out of my apartment. I'm not about to sit here and entertain you as if you're this innocent angel who doesn't know why she's getting treated the way she is. I'm not a high schooler anymore and I'm not nowhere near the same person I was back then. Catering to your feelings isn't an objective I'm up for right now. So quit the bullshit."

"What bullshit Nafessa?" I asked in outrage. "Let's discuss this shit instead of being a damn child who can't communicate about it."

I watched her face scrunch up before she stepped closer to me and snapped. "Child who can't communicate? Let's not act like you are any advocate of fucking communication Toni! You are far from it. Let's not even get into that shit."

"Maybe we should. Maybe we should get into the fact of why you hate me so damn much all of a sudden. I didn't do shit to you. If anything, I have all the damn right to be mad!"

"You left!"

"I had no choice!" I yelled back and at this point we were almost nose to nose.

"Oh please. I don't want to hear that bullshit Toni. Sure she threw you in that car but damn it she didn't control your actions! Own up to your shit!"

"My shit? You're the one who couldn't write back or respond to any of my letters! You're the one who changed your number! You! Not me!"

Nafessa made a face. "Write back?!" She scoffed. "I'm not doing this shit with you."

"Well then don't," I responded.

We stared at each other, and I watched as the fire dismantled into something else in her eyes. I knew the look, but it couldn't be. She couldn't be about to kiss me right now. My thoughts were proven wrong when she grabbed my waist and pulled me into her. Our lips met and my arms wrapped around her neck. 

She picked me up and my legs locked around her body to keep me stable as her hands gripped my ass. I didn't quite know what this was going to solve, but if it would get her back into my life then I was all for it. Her lips moved down to my neck as she began sucking and kissing on my soft spot. I moaned out involuntarily, she remembered...

Each step towards wherever our destination was, sent me a little closer to Heaven but still made me realize what made me truly fall in love with this woman. I moved her head back towards my lips and they met again. My eyes closed for a moment as my head hit her mattress gently, my legs unlatched just so she could crawl between them how she wanted to.

We met eye contact before she quickly broke it and I knew what this was but still didn't stop it. If she wanted a distraction, then I'd be that. Hell, I'd be anything she wanted me to be. She was my first, and she would always have a piece of me. I think she knows that.

I squinted before realizing I didn't want to have her this way. Or maybe I just couldn't— not without us fixing things first. "Let's not."

Nafessa met eye contact with me. "Why not?"

"Because you're only doing this to distract from the bigger issue. What? We act like we are going to have a decent conversation, sleep together, and then wake up in the AM with one more thing to add on to the list filled with already shitty things of why we hate each other right now?"

"I don't hate you Toni." Nafessa lifted up and I sat up and crossed my legs. She sat on the edge of her bed.

"So what is it? Is it just because I left?"

She made a face. "Toni, are you seriously going to continue to act like you do not know what you did?"

"I didn't have a choice but to leave Nafessa, my mom—."

"No. No. That's not it. You leaving was a problem but it isn't the problem I'm talking about. You sent me that letter."

"You got the letters?" I questioned shocked because my mom told me she wouldn't send them off every time I wrote to her.

"Letters? No." Nafessa mumbled as she went to her closet and pulled a chest off the top shelf. She brought it back to the bed and opened it. I watched as she dug through papers before pulling out an old envelope. She handed it to me. "I got this letter."

I opened the envelope and unfolded the page. My face furrowed when I was met with a letter typed to Nafessa.

Dear Nafessa,

It's Toni, and I know I haven't been writing you back but it's mainly because I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I've moved out here and I think it's best if we go our separate ways. We're too far away from each other and I don't think it'll work. Long distance relationships never do. It took me coming out here to realize that I'm not really that into you. I never was. Sorry, but please don't contact me anymore.

- Toni

"Whoa... wait— I never wrote this. I hand wrote every letter I tried to send off to you. You never got any of them?"

Nafessa shook her head. "Not one. I just got this one in the mail. I sent you a letter everyday almost for the first month and then I got that letter so I stopped."

We met eye contact as I spoke. "You have to believe that I did not write this Nafessa. I wouldn't ever just break up with you. Especially not over a damn typed letter. You actually thought I did this to you?"

"I actually did..." She looked down at her fingers. "Then my mom read it first, and tried to hide it from me but I found it and my heart broke. I didn't leave the house for days. I skipped school. I just went back to the old me because I thought you'd wasted my time and broken my heart... but now you're saying you didn't."

"My parents told me that your mom told them that you didn't want to talk to or see me again." My eyes glossed over.

Nafessa nodded. "I did say that. After I got the letter though. I told my mom to make it clear that you wouldn't see or hear from me again."

I couldn't say I wasn't pissed because I was— I was heated as fuck. My parents always messed something up for me. It never failed. They would hear from their daughter though, real fucking soon.