Not Her

CHAPTER 3

The second I got home, I locked myself in my room and opened the laptop, digging for some information about this Jordan I felt like a fucking stalker. Which is very true.

I googled his name first but nothing appeared, I tried social media too but in vain. He is not on Facebook nor on Instagram. There is not even an account of his on the school website. Nada. I couldn't decide If that's a good or bad thing.

After two weeks in the same class, I noticed a lot of things about Jordan. Apparently, he doesn't have many friends, only three guys with whom he plays drums in a rock band. But I never saw them hanging around in town or at school, only at the music club downtown.

The more I looked at him the more I noticed how handsome he is. He has that kind of strange beauty that made it hard for me to not stare at him. Especially that he has got my eyes, the same hazel color, the same shape, the same brightness. It's oddly satisfying.

But I doubt that I'm the only person crushing on him. He has other fans, many confident ones. In fact a week ago Maria; a pretty red-headed had a very interesting talk with him before the second period. She leaned on him, cleavage showing through her tee-shirt. 'Hey, you are Jordan, right? Can I have your number? I need to ask you something about... school.' His look wasn't very encouraging. She continued with a flirty voice that supposed to sound sexy, 'you seem really good at chemistry.'

'I'm not that good.' He answered with a cold look filled with contempt. So cold that Maria's laugh turned immediately into a defeated smile as she walked away. 'Okey' she said voice breaking, she sat behind him with a very angry expression. That was new to her, Maria never gets rejected, her bitchy confident attitude gets her pretty much all the guys she wants.

I was watching that scene from my seat, he caught me staring at him and smiled. I looked away avoiding his gaze, not even smiling back. What the fuck I just did? I guess I can only look at him when he is not looking at me.

*

I actually enjoyed seeing some of that drama. It was a fun way to start the day. But three hours later I was in legit hell. I sucked so hard in my maths exam, I just gave up and turned back the paper before the end of the hour. Even that I worked all night for it, I even skipped lunch so I could work more. But I deserved it: I kept delaying the work every night for a whole week.

At the end of the day, I felt more tired and exhausted than ever. I couldn't wait to jump on my bed. Usually, I return home on foot; my house is near the school so I just take the public road, the one filled with students and people walking in all directions. I like to blend in, it makes me feel like a part of something. Even if I walked alone talking to no one.

Since I was in a rush to get home, I took a shortcut. The buildings in that area were a little small a little simple, the neighborhoods were a little dirty and quite scary. But they somehow felt safe and familiar. And at least I was going to join my bed faster.

Our town is small and got only one public high school. Therefore a few of them live in these blocks. They are known for being aggressive, and for getting into fights all the time and being members of some dangerous criminal gangs. But that's not necessarily true. I think people exaggerate with their prejudice.

I actually used to know one of them: her name was Carly. She used to play soccer with me. She was very good at it thanks to her strong legs and great shaped body. The rumors say that she made friends with a bunch of drug smugglers, and she became addicted by time and couldn't stop. Carly couldn't keep focus in class or in the field. She got kicked out of the team and kept skipping classes until she got suspended from school too.

That was a loss for me since she was the only person I kind of talked to. I thought I would see her around as I ran into different cliques. But instead, I saw another familiar face, Jordan's. I recognized his hair from a far distance.

He got out of the house at the corner and slapped the door behind him in an angry manner, pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, and put it between his lips, hands shaking. He smokes, that's new.

I kept watching him, hidden behind a tree. Five minutes after smoking that cigarette he became sadder than angry. He sat down and put his head in his hands and cried in silence. That was such a miserable thing to watch. I felt so bad for him, that I wanted to go hug him and comfort him some way.

Maybe I should stop being a pussy and move from behind this tree, and just go for it. I gathered my courage and fixed my hair and clothes. I can do it.

Too late.

Jordan was already up. He threw the cigarette on the grass, squished it with his foot, and got back into the house wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. What could possibly cause such misery to a young guy like him? He doesn't deserve such pain. It's just awful.

'What the hell are you doing here?' a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned around. It was from Carly. I knew I would see her here. She got thinner and got tattoos all over her neck and face. Dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were blue and hided yellow teeth.

'Are you stalking someone?' She asked. I deserved that one; I must have looked so creepy hiding behind that tree in a creepier neighborhood.

'Of course not.'

'I saw you watching him, do you know him?' Her tone was accusative. I nodded 'He is in my class.'

'He is a good guy, you know. He doesn't belong to this shit hole,' she said lighting a cig. 'He has a fucked-up mother just like my old man. But still, he takes care of her and his little brother and managed to stay away from junkies, unlike... me.'

'So it's true?'

'What is?'

'Drugs did this to you.'

'I did this to me, Laura.' I fixed her exhausted eyes, incapable of saying a thing.

'Well, it was nice to see you again,' she said taking a heavy breath. 'Keep it away from here. For your own good.'

She disappeared before I can respond to anything, leaving me standing alone with my thoughts and the smell of smoke.