The London Boy (ON HOLD)

#1 Breakup & Pity

I am sitting at the far end of the "Lush bar" drinking my 3rd glass of gin & tonic. Yup!! That's right 3rd glass. Even I'm surprised by the capacity I have for alcohol. Well I certainly don't drink often and sure as hell don't stay out for so long. But today is different. It's bittersweet .. it's annoying .. it's liberating and to some extent it's kind of dramatic.

This day didn't started as shitty as it sounds. It was a perfectly normal day until my boyfriend (well not anymore) LUCAS called, and invited me for lunch at our favorite restaurant - "The Deena's Diner".

It seemed like a normal lunch to me. He was sitting opposite to me in one of the booths at the corner. The diner was not crowded , considering it was the weekend but who cares.. My boyfriend was looking his usual gorgeous self wearing a navy blue t-shirt and his favorite rugged jeans. His blond hair was all ruffled as he's been running his fingers through them constantly. I noticed that he didn't say anything flirty or romantic since we got here which is very odd and the kiss he gave me was completely awkward. His beautiful forest-green eyes never met my hazel ones for once.

Somehow ignoring all of this, I hand him the menu and give him my best smile ensuring that both my dimples are on display for him. He smiled back at me but his smile didn't reached to his eyes. He started looking at the menu absentmindedly. After almost 10 minutes he orders himself a latté. I however order myself a large cheese sandwich.

As the waiter leaves, I clutch his hand from across the table which is suprisingly cold.
"Is everything ok?"
I ask him.
He remained quied for a few seconds. "Umm..!"
He utters.
"I .... Umm .... You know ..."
He looks anywhere but me.
"Lucas, you know you can talk to me about anything, right !" I reassure him.
"I know.. I know.. it's just...."
He looks down and takes a deep breath. He suddenly looks up and straightens his back.
"Katherine !"
He says my name with determination.
"I think it's not going to work anymore..... I don't know if it's you or me but I don't feel the same way as I used to feel about you.... I think it's unfair to both of us. I just don't feel like being in a relationship right now , you know.. I am too hooked up with my job right now and I don't want to make it worse for either of us.... Although it's probably too clichè to say but.. I hope we stay friends. Please forgive me !!"
He looks at me apologetically..
I stare back at him, wide-eyed , shocked and at a complete loss of words.

In my head I picture myself slapping him, punching him, pulling his hair and then banging his head to the table in front .. until he starts to bleed..
But in reality I am literally out of words.

"Katherine ? Aren't you going to say something?"
He asks me in a low voice bending his head a little as if he's talking to a child. I look into his eyes and say the first 4 words that come into my mind..
"I need to go."

I pick up my bag and keys quickly and run towards the door ignoring all the weird looks I'm getting from the people in the diner.
While leaving I catch Lucas's shocked expression.
He probably wasn't expecting this kind of a reaction from me.
Afterall we're all grown ups here .. well most of the time !!
Honestly I have no idea what to say to him right now so the best possible plan according to me is to storm off !!

I push the door open and feel the fresh air on my face. I rush to my red 1996 Camaro and quickly settle in. Off course Lucas has followed me to my car and is tapping on the window. But I ignore him, start the engine and take off.

_____________

When I reach home I realize there's no one here. Dad must be at his workshop and Oliver must have left for his date. So it's just me .. all alone !!

I don't know what should I do next. So I just crash on to my couch and think of all that's happened a few minutes ago. That was probably the lamest breakup I've witnessed. I mean what the fuck was that. I thought I was the weirdest thing the universe could produce but no ! ... This stands above all.

But what really shocks me is that I feel fine .. maybe a little confused but above all just fine. Someone who just broke up, should definitely feel hurt or sad or angry or anything but I feel nothing.

I think it's because deep down I knew this would happen sooner or later.
It's not that Lucas was a jerk to me or something, No !
He's actually one of the nicest men I've known.
He always looked out for me and he genuinely cared for me..
But I never really connected to him on a personal level.

I am one of those people who don't share their thoughts or feelings or opinions to everyone they know.
I'm a very reserved person.
The only person whom I shared everything with was my mom and after her it was my best friend Leena.

I had always imagined that whenever I will fall in love it will be with someone with whom I can share anything without any filters or doubts, but with Lucas it never felt that way. And he must've noticed it or something.

The thing that really irks me is that I've always been like this in every relationship I had ! I've never felt emotionally connected to any of my boyfriends. I've been in relationships that lasted for more than 6 months and even then I've never said 'I love you' to any of those.
I've never felt that kind of passion for anyone.

Mann !! Is there something wrong with me ?? I suddenly sit up..
"There is something wrong with me." I shout.
I take my head in my hands and out of nowhere my tears starts to flow. Why the fuck am I crying ?? Oh I know.. it's because I'm never gonna find love..
I cry harder thinking about my love life and the related experiences..
This is so fucked up. I am so fucked up. It's all my fault. I have spoiled myself from reading and watching too much romance or more precisely the fairytale romance , when in reality there's no such thing as "true love" waiting for me ! I'm gonna have to compromise at some point !

My phone starts to vibrate and I take it out from the back pocket of my denim shorts. My best friend Leena is calling me and I can't thank her enough for her timing.
"Hey ! Wassup Kathie?"
She says with her usual enthusiasm.
"I'm gonna die alone Lee!"
I say as dramatically as I can between my sobs.
"Please don't tell me, that douchebag dumped you?"
She says mockingly.
"Oh yeah , he did!"
I shout at her.
"Well I shouldn't say this but, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"
She screams on the phone and I take the phone away from my ear.
Is this some kind of an unwritten unspoken rule , that your best friend won't ever approve any of your boyfriends?
Well if not .. I think it should be taken under serious consideration and made official because Lee has always questioned my choices in men. But then she has always been right about them.

"I am so happy for you Kathie. You know I always hated that Blondie of yours. I mean what self-respecting man has fairy lights arranged around his door of a 2 bedroom condo and a frigging bird as his pet !! You know I've always imagined him to be secretly gay."
She exclaims and laughs.
"Eww Lee! Shut up !!"
I cringe.
"I'm vurnerable here. Don't be mean. Now is not the time to make fun of him"
I say to her.
"Oh for fuck's sake, stop with the whining already ! I am coming to your place and we'll talk this through. Okay?" She asks
"Okay!" I confirm.
"See you then." She hangs up.

Leena lives just two blocks away from my place, so she'll be here soon.
I barely touched my sandwich earlier in the cafe and now I'm famished. I go to the kitchen in search of some food.
I search the refrigerator and the cabinets but there's nothing except two packets of pretzels and a couple of beers.
Well this will do for now.

I will go for the grocery shopping later.

Just as I'm about to finish my beer, the doorbell rings. Leena must be here.

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**END OF PART ONE**
**WILL SOON WRITE MORE**
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