The London Boy (ON HOLD)

#8 Dilemma

With Pink Floyd blasting in my ears, I run down the Arc street towards the west sidewalk.
It's 6:30pm in the evening and the sun is about to set, leaving behind a tinge of orange and red halos all over the sky.
In any other circumstances I would've admired the beauty of it but at this moment it's the very last thing on my mind.
I need to clear my head and that is why I've been running my ass off from the past 20 minutes.

It's been 6 days since the interviews and to my delight and to my dilemma, I've been accepted in both 'Profero' and 'Wingman'.

Everybody keeps telling me that I should be proud of myself and I am, truly, but i'm way more confused than proud.

My mind keeps running back to the day of the interviews. It was overwhelming and exhausting !!
I was pretty sure that I'll get a callback from Profero and I'm delightful that I did.
But I can't just fathom how things turned out in 'Wingman'.

Never in my wildest thoughts would I have imagined that the random guy that I kissed in the bar, in my not so sober condition, would turn out to be my future-boss and on top of that, I think maybe .. just maybe .. he was flirting with me.

Damn it !!

His unnerving gaze ..
His words..
** I am not sorry I kissed you **
The Tingling I felt down my spine when I touched him..
And offcourse our kiss in the pub..
All these things are making me wonder that I got a callback because he might be interested in me and not because of my skills or my work .. which is highly unprofessional and humiliating.

Although I do know that I did pretty well in the interview and I can't just ignore the fact that it has been my dream to work in 'Wingman'.
How can I just let that go ?

I try to weigh down both the possibilities !

If I choose to go to Profero. It'll be okay. I mean it was my Plan B originally. But now that I have an open window to my Plan A, I am not entirely happy with joining Profero. And it's not just that. I remember the vibe at Profero .. It was too bleak. Everything seemed monochromatic.

On the other hand, going to Wingman was enchanting.
I simply loved it there.
I felt at ease, while working there, even though it was for half an hour, but still.
They actually acknowledged our way of thinking and made us trigger our creative side.
It was quite liberating.

And offcourse Wingman has The-too-charming-for-his-own-good Mr. Ainsworth.
He was so amazing.
The 'It Man'.
I could learn so much from him.
It would be an honour to work in his presence.

But then there was him ...
Caleb Gorden .. with his insanely beautiful self and his Goddamn accent.

What was he trying to do back there ? Was he really interested in me ?
Or does he behave like this with every other person ?
Or am I just being paranoid ?
When I apologized to him about the kiss he dismissed it, like it was nothing. And then he just comes to me out of nowhere, so casually, and tells me that he wasn't sorry for kissing me back.

Huh !! What do I make of this ?

I shut my eyes for a split second and I decide to put these thoughts at rest and run faster and harder .. thumping my feet on the ground.
I keep running, until all I can think of,  is my heavy breathing and the pain shooting up my legs.

This isn't gonna get me anywhere !!

I reach back home by 7:15pm.
I don't have have the energy to change, to shower or to go back to my room so I just grab a bottle of chilled water and crash on my couch.

Running was supposed to clear my head but here I am with nothing but more confusion surrounding me.

I haven't told anyone about my issues.
I've barely talked about the interview with anyone, not even Lee.
I was suppose to tell her, but she hasn't had some free time lately.
Apparently She applied in a bunch of  tech companies as 'the IT nerd' and she even got a couple of callbacks.
But now she isn't sure about her choices.