my sweet savior ; choi san

TEN

I walked to the entrance of the university, repeating in my head that I had to be strong. I couldn't risk it.

The night before I ignored all of San's texts and I already knew he was going to look for me that morning to ask if everything was alright. In fact, as I arrived in front of my department's building, I saw him waiting for me. When he saw me, he ran to me.

《Hey, is everything okay?》 he asked, worried 《You didn't answer my texts, and I got worried》

《I'm fine, can't you see?》 I replied, harshly

He was taken back by my attitude.

《What's wrong?》 he asked 《Did something happen?》

《Actually yes》 I said 《I did some thinking and realized something》

《Realized what?》

《That I'm sick of you》

He looked at me, surprised and confused

《What?》

《You heard me》 I replied 《I'm sick of you》

《What's that supposed to mean?》

《It means I want to break up》

《Why? Everything was fine until yesterday》

He was confused and hurt. He couldn't understand what was going on.

《Haven't you realized?》 I asked 《What your friends always told you was right. I was just playing with you》

《That's not true》 he tried to deny it

《Oh honey, it is》 I said 《You were so quick to fall for me, it was kinda pathetic to see. But I have to admit that I had fun with you》

《What the hell...》 he said

《I never loved you》 I said 《No wonder I never said it back》

I regretted saying right after it came out of my mouth. The situation was getting out of hand and I couldn't take it back anymore. San's expression changed from hurt to angry.

《I though you were different》 he said 《Was Ryan a farce too? Did you ask him to play the part of the abusive boyfriend to trick me?》

I didn't reply, so he kept talking.

《Yeah my friends were right about you》 he said 《You're just a stone cold bitch》

He looked at me with disgust, then walked away. I started shaking and I ran to the toilet, where no one could see me. As soon as I saw my reflection on the mirror, I broke down, saying in my head how much I hated myself and my stupid mind.

San probably told the boys that I broke up with him, because soon after Wooyoung texted me asking what happened. He sent only one text, and seeing that I didn't reply, he didn't insist.

I went to my lessons, but made no effort to focus on what was going on. I looked out of the window and tried not to cry. The happiest moment I spent with San replied in front of me. I thought about how he hugged me after finding out about Ryan. I thought about how he told me he was in love with me, and about our first time together. I thought about all the times I could have told him I loved him, but he told me he could wait until I was ready. He made me feel so loved, despite being together for such a short time, while I only made him suffer. Maybe it was a good thing that I broke his heart. He might be hurting now, but one day he will get over it and find someone else, finally living the happy life he deserved.

I knew what was going to happen to me, and I knew I needed to be in this mess alone. I would have never forgave myself, if San got hurt because of me.