Schizophrenia

Chapter Thirteen

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WARNING

SEXUAL CONTENT

Chapter Thirteen

Savannah Summers

He was like the moon, a part of him was always hidden.

Two days after Justin's panic attack he didn't mention it once neither talk about who I'm hiding from. He was and still is pretty distant. I'm not sure if he doesn't want to talk about it or if he thinks it's not worth talking about it with me. Both is annoying me.

Since I already have to stay at his place, he could at least talk to me. But when I'm upstairs, he's downstairs. When I'm zapping through the TV, he's out. I just don't get it. Did I do something wrong? Did I piss him off? Or is he embarrassed because of his panic attack? Because I finally got to see that even Justin Bieber, the though and heartless human being, got a weak and vulnerable side? It's probably the reason of him avoiding me.

But I don't want him to avoid me.

I want him to talk to me, I want him to make inappropriate comments and I want to feel his touch. I want his soft skin touch mine. I want him to hold me, to make me feel save. I don't have any idea why people would look for me so I would have to hide. I don't understand.

Why can't he tell me about them? Why can't he comfort me? Because I'm not used to something like this and it scares me. I feel so alone. What's the point of staying at his place when he's out anyway? Everyone could simply walk in and take me with them, so it doesn't really make sense. I could also just stay at home and watch Netflix all night and just be with my family. Speaking of my family, I have no idea how Justin made it ok for them that I'm not home and not going to school? I mean, we all know I'm not the best in school so why would they simply let me stay home for no reason?

Why can't he just answer one of my questions? Why can't he just talk to me? I feel so lost.

Justin Bieber

It's the first time I have no idea what to do with myself.

I love the fact that Savannah stays at my place. I even waited for this to happen. But not after what happened.

No one has ever seen me having a panic attack before. Well no one except for Chace and my Mom. But that's something different. My Mom and Chace both know about my disease. They know I'm diagnosed with Schizophrenia and that I struggle with a lot of things, other than Savannah. She doesn't know anything about me. She doesn't know what happened in my past. Hell, she doesn't even know who I am now. All she knows is some of my basic information, everyone has revealed on facebook. My name, job, age, and where I'm from. And well, she got to know Chace, and that's it. But now she got to see so much more. Savannah saw the most helpless state of mine, just like that, and I hate the fact that I couldn't do shit about it.

I had a panic attack right in front of her eyes. But she didn't stare, she tried to help me. Why would she do that? Why would she help me after she just found out that I got her into trouble? Why would she help someone like me in the first place?