Daryl's Angel: Saviour (Book Two)

Chapter 9: What Happened

Seventeen days pass us by in a blur. After we lost Beth, Rick proposed the idea of fulfilling her last wish and getting Noah back home to Richmond, Virginia.

"It was secure," he had said. "It has a wall, homes, twenty people. Beth wanted to go with him. She wanted to get him there. It's a long trip, but if it works out, it's the last long trip we have to make."

"And what if it isn't around anymore?" Glenn asked.

"Then we keep going."

"Then we find a new place," Michonne said.

Everyone agreed. What else could we do?

Daryl doesn't talk to anyone except in grunts and one-word sentences. I try to talk to him, but he gives me nothing in response, so I give up trying. Maggie cries more than she doesn't. Sasha stays silent and stone-faced, wearing her emotionless façade like it's a flimsy mask.

Eugene lied. He can't cure this. He can't fix the world like he said he could.

We lost Beth, and I think I'm losing Daryl, too. It feels like we're losing everyone, everything. Day in and day out, we drive, making the long trek to Noah's home, searching for something more. Purpose? Survival? Who the hell knows anymore? We scavenge for gas and supplies, just trying to keep moving forward, and it's slow-going at best.

It feels selfish to grieve Daryl's sadness, and I berate myself for that every day. My inner voice is cruel, but she's truthful. I don't deserve to be sad because he's sad. He lost someone he had come to care for. Maggie lost her sister. I didn't have to see my parents die, I don't have siblings to mourn, and my partner is alive. I wasn't close to Beth, not like others were. I don't deserve to grieve.

And yet, I'm still so bone-crushingly sad, and it just won't stop. I'm exhausted in a deep, emotional sense that clings to me like a second skin.

All my dreams are about the prison. There aren't any fences. Each morning, I wake up in my cell with Daryl at my side, and when I go to get breakfast, Lori and Rick are sitting with Judith and Carl at the table with a stack of lumpy pancakes in front of them.

Merle organizes a weapons closet with Shane, the two of them arguing and shooting the shit in a way that I never witnessed, but can imagine so clearly. Lori scolds them for cursing around Carl, only for Shane to grin and add an extra "shit" to his next sentence. Carl laughs. He reminds his mother that he isn't a kid anymore. Lori pretends that she's not amused.

I walk. I walk through my dream world, my heaven. Dale reads a novel on a chair in the sunshine, bucket hat shading his eyes. T-Dog works in the vegetable patch with Maggie, and she shows him the difference between weeds and sprouts. He smiles and waves at me as I pass him. Hershel and Glenn feed the pigs while Flame trots around in her enclosure, whinnying.

Tyreese stands with Karen on the watchtowers. I hear him singing to her as she groans out laughter at his tunes. Sasha and Bob walk hand-in-hand, playing good out of the bad.

"Soggy cereal."

"Extra-flavourful milk to drink after."

"Waking up too early."

"Getting to watch the sunrise."

Andrea and Michonne arrive with a basket full of fish, all smiles as they take their spoils to the dining pavilion. Amy and Patrick cook meals together.

Beth plants flowers where the graves should be. Oscar digs up fresh earth, asking her where she wants the next plot. Carol teaches Sophia, Lizzie, Mika, and the other children how to shoot. Axel is the only outlier, looking awkward as he adjusts his grip on his pistol. Sophia giggles at him.