Daryl's Angel: Saviour (Book Two)

Chapter 21: Party

I stare at myself in the full-length mirror and debate whether I should even try. I look like myself, but I feel like a stranger. I still have my cross and ring necklace on, and for a second, I considered taking off Old Dan's collar. When I went to undo the buckle, a wave of strange anxiety came over me, and I decided I felt more comfortable with it on.

Jessie did an amazing job with my hair. The side-part suits the curly layered cut she gave me, and my ringlets haven't looked this healthy in forever. I borrowed a little black cocktail dress, only once Jessie insisted she wasn't planning to wear it tonight. It's a little low in the chest area with a sweetheart neckline, but the peek-a-boo black sheer lace that comes from it, covering my shoulders and collarbone, makes me feel a little better. Jessie offered to lend me heels, but I declined, opting for a pair of black flats. At least it'll kind of match the dress.

I'm...bony. I know that nearly starving will eat away at extra fat, but it feels foreign to see myself so scrawny. I haven't looked like this in my life, except for when I was a gangly, awkward preteen, not yet filling out my curves or putting on woman weight. My arms are a bit more defined, stronger from using a knife to kill walkers for so long, but that's the only positive thing I see when looking at myself, aside from my hair. My bones are too sharp, too...skeletal. I miss the way I used to look.

Maybe I'll be able to put on a bit of weight now that we're here. I'm worried that, with how I am now, I'll starve the baby and myself.

I groan as I press my hands to my face. God, this isn't what I should be worrying about! I should already be at the party, but Daryl hasn't returned yet. He left with Rick and Carol this morning, but didn't come back with them. Carol said he was hunting, but I'm still starting to worry. He probably won't even go to the party, knowing him. I should just go by myself, represent both of us.

I look in the mirror, give my hair a fluff as I do one more once-over. I lightly touch my necklace, pursing my lips for a second before reaching back and unclasping it. I slide my ring off the chain and slip it onto my left ring finger before putting my necklace back on.

I head out into the steadily darkening evening.

If I didn't already know where Deanna's house is, I'd still be able to find it. The place is bustling with lights and music. Approaching it, a knot forms in my stomach and it takes everything I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

God, I wish Daryl were here. I wish I wasn't facing this alone. I wish I wasn't so stupidly nervous over a house party.

I come up to the door and grip the handle. Deep breath. Put on your game face. Onward.

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I shouldn't have come.

The house is already chock-full of people, all bustling around with bottles or glasses in hand. Music plays from somewhere in the room. The buzz of conversation fills my ears like a hornet swarm as I slowly push the door shut behind me and desperately search for anyone I know.

I spot Noah against one of the far walls, looking nearly as awkward as me, and I make a beeline for him. He perks up a little when he sees me coming, stepping aside to make room for me beside him.

"Hi," I say.

"Hi," he replies. He looks at me for a second, then says, "Haircut?" I nod and he does too. "Looks nice. Fresh."

"Thank you," I say, nearly exhaling the words. I fold my arms behind my back, fidgeting as I look around. I absentmindedly rub my wedding ring. "Have you been here long?"

"Yeah, kinda," he says. "I...chatted a bit. Talked to Carl, the other kids. There...aren't many people my age. Carl's younger and everyone else is a lot older, so..."