We All Fall Down

A Beautiful Lie

Chapter 3

"What do you think makes you do it, Alex?"

Alex was sat on the sofa opposite his new therapist, Mr Brown. This was the third one he'd been to in two weeks; he refused to give the therapists answers so his mom just moved him along to the next one.

"I don't know." He mumbled, looking down at his hands as he twiddled his thumbs; he was desperate not to make eye contact with the man supposedly here to 'help' him.

"You know, we all feel like garbage sometimes..."

Fuck this guy was patronising.

Alex raised his eyebrows and nodded his head slightly. All he wanted to do was go home. No. That was a lie. He didn't want to go home because then the bullying would carry on, his parents wouldn't trust him anymore and he still wouldn't have his brother back. He didn't know what to do.

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm a child." Alex snapped, keeping his eyes fixed on his hands.

Mr Brown sighed and Alex could hear him shifting in his seat.

"I know, it just works with some kids. You show 'em a bit of attention and don't expect too much from them and they tell everything!"

"I don't need attention." He hated it when people said he cut for attention; his mom had said it plenty over the last two weeks! 

"What do you need, Alex?" 

Alex suddenly looked his therapist in the eye. He didn't know what he needed. He shrugged but kept eye contact.

"I think you need someone to talk to." Damn this guy was good. "You just lost your brother, it's understandable for you to be upset. Did you ever cut before your brother passed away?" 

Alex nodded his head. He had only cut when the bullying was especially bad, now he cut almost every night. 

"But it was never this bad?" Brown questioned. 

Alex shook his head.

"Well, what did you do whenever you wanted to cut? Obviously, something held you back before all this."

"Music." Was all he said; when he listened to his music, Alex was in another world where nothing could hurt him.

"Ah, have you ever heard that song 'A Beautiful Lie' by I think it was 30 Seconds To Mars?" 

Alex nodded, he listened to a lot of bands, they'd all helped him through the years.

"Well," Mr Brown continued, "I always see the 'Beautiful Lie' as a symbol of self harm. It seems to be the only thing you can rely on at times and it can often make you feel better, but what about when you want to stop and you can't? What about when your future partner sees your scars, or god forbid, your children ask you what they are?"

Alex's eyes welled up, he had never thought about any of this. But at the same time, he didn't want to believe it. 

"I think you should pay a visit to this nice little-"

"Fuck you!" Alex snapped and headed to the door, "You're full of bullshit!" 

As he left the building and began his walk home, his iPod on shuffle, the song 'A Beautiful Lie' began to play and Alex couldn't hold back the tears.

He needed help.