Finally Free

Chapter 3

I felt as though my heart was pounding out of my chest. My eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and my clothing was damp from sweat. I really just want to be at peace, but can't seem to sleep without having a nightmare. It's been two years and I still get them.

I started therapy last year and I honestly thought it was helping. My therapist said I need to talk about it to my family or a close friend. She said it would help me heal. I was petrified of the thought, but needed support. I am so tired of fighting this alone. I looked up at Johnny. He has such kind eyes. His face was drawn with worry. He didn't say a word, he just held me.

He has seen this happen before, but not as bad as tonight.  This was the worst one yet. It seemed to real.  It's always the same one. It starts the same.  Tony and I are at the drive in. Then I see those eyes.  There dark green and evil eyes.  This time he took me. Over and over and he didn't stop.  I felt the pain between my legs as he took what he wanted.  That's when I screamed.  I woke up and realized it was just a bad dream, it felt so real.

I looked at Johnny.  He is the only one that makes me feel safe. I sleep like a baby when he is near me. But, when he isn't there, even though he's probably in another room, my body seems to sense it and It comes crashing back. It's always the same one...from that night.

I decided I was going to tell him what really happened that night.

"Um...Johnny.  I'm ready to tell you...what happened with him.  Please just let me finish before you say anything."

"Of course baby, whatever you need. I'm not going anywhere. He said while he caressed my cheek with his hand.

I smiled. He was so genuine, sweet, and an amazing guy. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

"Thank you. Ok. Well. Um.. That night I asked you to pick me up. Something happened. Tony and I were having problems. He started to get physically abusive towards the end of our relationship." I said.

Johnny's had his hands in fists as I finished my thought. His knuckles were white. I could tell he was squeezing them tightly. His jaw clenched.

I decided I had enough and was breaking up with him, but he...he.. he..

"It's ok Sammy. Take your time." He gave me a hug as he said this.

"I will spare the details, but he tried to take my virginity that night. I kicked him so hard in the groin and I just ran until I couldn't anymore." I said as I started crying.

"THAT F*CING AS*HOLE!!" He said angrily. Johnny held me in his arms. He was so caring and compassionate. I was shaking. tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

"Sammy it's not your fault. You didn't deserve any of that.  I'm sorry you had to go through this alone. I'm here for you always. I..I. love you Sammy."

I looked into his eyes.  I've loved this guy for as long as I could remember.  I placed my hand on his cheek and said. " I love you too. I always have. Thank you Johnny really means so much to me."

He smiled and kissed me. It was such an undeniable feeling. I do love him, I guess I never realized how much until this very moment. He's been my best friend for years and our love for each other continues to grow.

"Johnny....I.

"What is it? What's bothering you."

"My greatest fear is that he will come back, and I won't be able to get away next time. I've been taking self defense classes and training daily, but I'm not sure I'm strong  enough.  I need to know if all this training will...save me from his evil grasp.  I want to be free. I'm always looking over my shoulder.  I know I'm being paranoid, but sometimes I think he's following me even though I know he moved away."

He looked into my eyes and said

"First of all your the strongest person I know. Don't ever doubt that. Secondly, I'll take you to my gym and we can train. together. You can show me what you learned and I'll Incorporate anything that would help you in case you need to use it.  What do you think?"

"That would be great. Thank you."

He chuckled. " In case you haven't noticed I'm crazy about you. I would do anything for you."

"Thank you. Ditto."

"I really need a shower and a change of clothes. Can I borrow something?

"Of course, let's go to my room and check in my closet."

We went upstairs and I fumbled through his closet. He had a huge walk in closet, bigger than my bathroom. He was such a neat freak. I found a t shirt it was long enough, but needed pants. He went to his parents room and grabbed a pair of leggings. His mom was cool and always let me borrow stuff when I was over.

"You can use my shower, I'll be downstairs." Come down when your ready. He gave me a kiss on my forehead and headed downstairs.

I headed to his bathroom to shower. I feel a lot better since I opened up. It was hard dealing with this. I always felt it was my fault and I pushed him to the point he became violent. Yes. Stupid I know, but sometimes you start believing the lies, because it's easier than telling yourself the truth if that makes any sense.

I finished up. Got dressed and headed downstairs. It was 11pm already and I was exhausted. I texted my mom and said I was staying over a friend's house and I would be home tomorrow. Not sure how she would feel if she knew I was at Johnny's. She loves him, don't get me wrong , but he's still a guy. She texted back and said she will see me tomorrow. Great. Now I can sleep.

I haven't even asked him yet. I'm sure he won't mind. I found him in the kitchen.

"Hey. Johnny would it be ok if I stayed over? I'm a little tired and just want to crash."

"If course baby. Let me just finish cleaning up and I'll be right up."

"Great. I kissed him goodnight and went to bed. A few minutes later he comes in and grabs a pillow to go on the couch in his room."

"What are you doing."

"I. I ...just didn't want you to feel like I was crowding you. I want to sleep next to you believe me. I just want to be respectful after what you told me tonight."

I thought about what he said for a moment. I appreciated it, I did really, but I wanted him near me. It's been two years and it's time to move on and live.

"Johnny, listen I really appreciate that, but it isn't necessary. You make me feel safe.  I've known you forever and trust you with my life. Come to bed." I patted the spot in front of me."

He was hesitant at first and said" Sammy you know I would never pressure you right." I am not in a rush. As much as I want to share those things with you, I will wait for as long as you need. Just tell me when your ready."

"That's what's bothering you?"

He nodded. "Yes"

"Johnny I know that. Now come here I'm sleepy."

He crawled in the bed with me. I placed my head on his chest and he put his arm around me.

"Are you comfortable Sammy?
"Yes thanks. This is perfect."

He kissed my forehead and we both fell asleep. Finally.