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Tuesday #1

Let me explain

I know the beginning of this was confusing and fucking fucked up (just like me)

My name is Jennifer

I was born and raised in Michigan but I live in New York

When I was 13 I was chronically diagnosed with depression and anxiety

I have anxiety attacks twice a day and I cut myself when I can, and I know many people may be thinking, "what the fuck is your problem you attention whore?! Get help"

Well I've tried

But medications don't do shit, and therapists are fucking stupid. My boyfriend , Derek, lives with me part time but since he's a journalist he travels a lot, and well I miss him a lot, and half the time I believe he's cheating on me.. But I pray he doesn't

This story/diary is based off of the hell I go through everyday, and sometimes this is the only way for me to vent, so forgive me when I start to bitch or cry or complain, anyways today was an okay day

I flushed my daily pills down the toilet to make it look like I took them, Derek came home and well , we had unplanned sex

Which was alright

We watched tv together and I didn't get a chance to slip the blade against my scarred up skin tonight, but my insomnia is getting the best of me so I lay on my couch while Derek is sleeping . it's about 3 am and I'm getting urges , that's why I have this stupid book, anyways I'm going to make something warm to drink and sneak into bed and maybe wake up Derek and fuck him or something

Today's Tuesday...

But I wish it wasn't.