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Last Monday..

It's monday now, and a weekend has never been full of terror and fright and just full out hell, I almost had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night , I fucking got my period , which is hell mixing with depression, my heads been driving me insane, and I've just decided that today was a really good day to give up, I never had anything useful in my entire life , Derek's the only one who actually cared for what was the rest of this piece of fucking shit I call my body,
I'm never going to get help and no ones gonna miss me when I'm gone, I was a soulless body that didn't belong anywhere, I wasn't loved, admired , cared for , no one even Accepted me for what I was going through and the worst part of it is, the meds for the anxiety in crease the depression and the meds for depression increase the anxiety! I NEVER WIN! So I've decided to just give up , my bodies already full of cuts , scars , bruises and I'm surprised you can still even see any skin, it's covered in a coat of ugly which I cannot get rid of,
I was finally able to create a noose strong enough to hold my fat ass body , and I've tied it up to my ceiling fan, which can hold my body weight (thank god)
Now I just pray that no one sees me,
I'll see you on the flip side .... If anyone to ever find this.. Tell them that this was on myself, no one could help me.. And if Derek reads this
I Love you and it's not your fault
Have fun living, for that's something I will not be in a couple of minutes, goodbye, forever, unless I'm saved which I pray doesn't happen..