boulder → l.h ⋆ m.c

blind faith gets you lost

:november 20, 2016

     the air was fresh; a far cry from what new york should be in november. the windows were cracked and it let a cold breeze in; but the blankets calum dropped next to luke onto the bed were enough.

     anything was enough for luke at this point.

     anything was better than the nothingness he found himself in.

     "you're safe here, alright?" calum nods. "you can stay here with me."

     luke swallows as he looks over to the frost covered window. "it's officially his birthday."

     "michael?"

     luke nods. "and i'm not there."

     "you didn't do anything wrong, luke." calum says softly.

     luke shakes his head as he chuckles. "fuck off, i did so many things wrong. i wish- i shouldn't have gone with him that night. i wasn't in any trouble," he sniffs as he wipes tears from his cheeks. "i was going to be a doctor, y'know? and i- and i fucked it up- i threw it away for him."

     "blind faith," calum replies. "it gets you lost; but i get it. i understand it. you loved him, you would've died for him."

     luke nods. "i was- i was running after him in the pouring rain and i was yelling for him that night and- and i remember thinking, "am i crying? or is it just the fuckin' rain?" and i was so scared, and so lost. an'- and he stopped. he stopped and turned around and came back for me, even though there- when the cops were right behind us. how could i just leave him?"

     "i know this isn't what you want to hear," calum sits down next to luke on the bed. "but you had every right to leave him. he put you in a messy situation and he shouldn't have dragged you along with him. i know it was because you loved each other- i completely get it and i'm not saying i blame either of you, but that doesn't make what happened okay."

     "the worst part- and the worst part is that i'm not sure he didn't kill ashton." luke shakes his head. "at first i was, and i knew he didn't, but- but now, after what i've seen this past year- i don't know, and i'm scared."

     calum looks down.

     luke doesn't know.

     but calum knows, and he doesn't know how to gain luke's trust without telling him about ashton.

     "why don't you get some sleep?" calum looks over to luke. "you need to rest."

     luke nods.

     "i'll get you some of my clothes to sleep in, okay?"

     luke sighs as he pulls the drawstrings of calum's sweatpants. calum is fairly bigger than luke, and calum's sweatpants hang loosely around luke's hips. the shirt calum gave luke was oversized- big on even calum. on luke it nearly fell off his shoulders, the guns n' roses logo distorted as the shirt hangs unevenly on luke. but the faded logo was still familiar to luke, reminding him of the night he first met michael.

:november 12, 2014

     it was fall- golden leaves crunching under luke's shoes as he made his way across the courtyard. he tugged his hoodie tighter around himself as a gust of wind came at him, tossing the leaves around him into the air. luke didn't like the cold.

     "lukey!" luke whips around at the voice, smiling at the sight of ashton running towards him. "who's your favorite college junior?"

     luke rolls his eyes, a playful smile on his face. "what'd you do?"

     "so i've got this friend..." ashton begins, and luke huffs. "okay okay, hear me out."

     luke raises an eyebrow at ashton. "it has literally never ended well when you've started your sentences like that."

     "i know, but-" ashton nods. "this'll be perfect. he's a sophomore, his name is michael."

     "clifford?" luke's eyes widen. "no. absolutely not." he turns to walk away, but ashton grabs his backpack to stop him.

     "i said hear me out." ashton rolls his eyes. "he took your calculus last year."

     luke groans.

     "i think he'll be able to help you."

     "will you leave me alone if i say i'll think about it?" luke asks hopefully.

     "nope," ashton shakes his head. "because i came to get you for your coffee date with him that's in twenty minutes."

     "what the fuck, ash?"