"Just Stop Trying."

[2]

I walk to my locker and take out the books I need when I suddenly see a glimpse of firey red hair. My eyes widen and I quickly shut my locker, trying to speed walk to class without him getting me or bringing myself too much attention by running. No one will actually care if I run to class or walk, but guess what? My brain obviously hates me so it makes me think stuff I personally don't want to. So much fun!

I'm almost in my 1st class when someone grabs my shoulder and yanks me back. I almost yelp but I remember where I am so I don't. I stay quiet and hope for the best.

I am turned around and met with the same red hair I have been trying to avoid. Gerard.

"Hi, Frankie!" He smirks. I gulp.

"Where are you headin' to, hm?" He asks slyly. Fucking asshole...

"N-nowhere..." I mumble. He heard. He definitely heard because he started to laugh.

"Aw... is little ol' Frankie scared of me?" He laughs out. I struggle out his grip and start walking to class. He quickly catches up to me and roughly pulls me back by my long-ish hair. This time I do yelp. He pulls me next to him and he leans down next to my ear. He whispers:

"'You will regret that. No one walks away from me, got it?"

When he doesn't get a response he pulls on my hair. He was already roughly holding it so when he did that I whimpered out. It was really fucking painful.

"I said... got it?" He growls. I faintly nod and he lets go. He narrows his eyes at me and mumbles:

"Fucking useless..."

And that was that. I guess he was in a better mood today because he would usually beat me up until I couldn't walk. But his words always stung me like a knife to the stomach. It always broke my heart a little with every negative word he describes me with. It has gotten to the point I completely believe him. I do believe I am a useless, disgusting freak. I do believe him because I know I am those things.

I sigh and walk to class. Another day of learning useless crap.

[Time skip]

School ended.

My grades aren't bad, I don't skip. I'm actually one of the best students in my school, yet no one knows who I am. It's just that school itself stresses me out so much. It sucks.

As I'm walking away from my locker, I get pushed against the wall next to the schools entarance door. I softly grunt and look up to see none other than Gerard Way. He, of course, smirks when he sees the fear in my face.

"I told you that you will pay for that!" He says in a sing-song voice. I look down and whimper quietly. Thankfully he doesn't hear it. I close my eyes and wait for the punch.

A few seconds pass before I get the air knocked out of me. I grunt and slide down on the wall. He kicks me to my side and busts my lip open. In the end, I'm trying to breathe, small shallow breaths leaving my mouth. He laughs and says:

"See you tomorrow, Frankie!"

He skips away. I sigh and support myself on the wall behind me while I stand up. It takes me a few seconds but I manage to get up on my feet. I feel even nore numb now. I don't feel the physical or emotional pain. All I feel is...

Numbness.

I start the 10 minute walk home.

[Time skip]

I lock the front door to my house before making my way up to my bathroom that's connected to my bedroom. I look into the mirror that's above the sink. It looks like my jaw is bruising up and my lip is busted open. It looks like it hurts, but I just don't feel it. But... at the same time... I do? Everything and nothing is numb. I can feel the pain but not feel it, if that makes sense. It's a scary feeling.

I sigh and make my way back into my bedroom. I take my guitar out of its case and sit down in my usual spot I film in. The camera is already in its place. I turn it on.

"Hey guys." I say, my voice cold and monotone.

"I hope everything's cool with you. Um..." I put my guitar down next to me and sigh.

"I know I always ask you about your day, feelings. Every single one of you should know that you can talk to me about anything. And I'm so happy to see your messages. It's such a good feeling to help you guys... but um... I usually don't talk about my feelings I guess.

"It's all jumbled and I am so confused. The only word I can use to describe my feelings is... numb. I feel numb. I feel nothing and everything at the same time and it confuses me..." I pull down the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands, a habit I've developed over the years. I sniffle and notice my eyes are wet. I continue with a bit of a shaky tone to my voice:

"So um... a-anyways..." I chuckle dryly.

"I think I'm gonna take a small, teeny tiny break from uploading and see where my mental health is going. Thank you for understanding. See ya." I slightly wave before quickly turning off the camera. I'll upload it later this evening.

I hear my phone vibrate against my desk. I walk over to the chair and sit down on it.

I take my phone and see that someone has sent me a DM on Instagram. I smile slightly, thinking that it's someone who needs advice or general help. It really is a nice feeling to know that people are brave enough to turn to someone for help, and that someone is me.

Upon further inspection, though, I quickly started to panic. The person who sent me the DM was named...

@gerard.way

This can't be happening...