Stories for Midnight

Insane

A/N: IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING! If you struggle with suicidal thoughts and/or tendencies or depression DO NOT READ THIS STORY.

👆IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING
Everybody assumes that I'm insane. They believe that something is wrong with my mind. But that is not the case! My senses are so sharpened, so finite, so how can I be mad? I do not see things that are not there. If only they had seen the care and attention to detail I had when I did the deed. I can talk about it so calmly. I had such patience. There was a logical thought process that I had gone through. So how can I be insane?

To prove that fact, and to show to you how calm I am about the entire ordeal, let me tell you about it.

It was a dreary autumn afternoon when I decided to do it. The sun was filtering through the trees and I had to squint. But I would never forget that day. I still have not decided what spurred me to that decision- maybe it was the fiasco and failure I had been at work that day. Maybe it was because my wife had signed the divorce papers that very morning. Maybe it was my own child, screaming terrible at me and running out of the house for school without breaching the horrible silence after the outburst. I later said it was a combination of all those things that drove me to do it, so I suppose I will stick to that conclusion. But whatever the cause, that was the day I chose to kill myself. Nobody would miss me- my wife had rejected me finally, and people at work would be glad that I was not there to screw things up. Certainly my child would not miss me- she had shouted such horrible things, and I could tell she meant it. Years with her meant that I knew when there was truth behind her words and truth was certainly behind those ones. I had no friends to speak of, only people who pretended to smile and pretended to listen. So it was truly the case that I would not be missed, and that everyone in the equation would be happier and function better if I was not in the equation. So I went home to the empty house that was now only mine and prepared for what I was going to do. First I went to my bedroom and hung a rope from the ceiling and you would have approved of the care I took to fasten it securely. I left it there, dangling, and then went to the kitchen to retrieve my container of medicine. Then I went back to the bedroom. Taking the entire bottle of about 30 pills, I retrieved a glass of water and swallowed half of them. Then I took the other half. So it was that I knew I would die either way. The foresight and planning out into this would have made you see the truth that I am not insane. Walking back to my bedroom. I stepped onto my bed and, grabbing the rope, tied it around my neck. Then I stepped off the bed, and the rope snapped taught with my weight. My feet dangled off the floor. I could not breathe any longer, for the rope was pressing and constricting my trachea. The world was fading to black.

And then I was dead. It was as simple as that. Cold, clear cut logic led me to his decision- not some disease within my mind. I was worthless. My life was going nowhere and helping nobody and it was better for all involved that I got taken out of the scene.

Now, if that did not convince you- if my calm rebelling of events, my reason, my meticulous preparation and careful execution did not convince you- then you will refuse to see truth and I will leave this here for you to ponder. Good day.