Curious?

CHAPTER SIX

      I get off of the elevator and ignore everyone and everything I see. I rush home, barely able to control my own feet. Good thing they know the way, because my brain cannot possibly be of any help right now. Why. Why did I think this was a good idea? Why did I go back to his apartment, I should've gone home after the park. Why did I even agree to meet him in the first place? Why did I give him my damn phone number. Fuck!

      I make it home and burst through the door. I take off everything and jump into the shower. Maybe in there, in the hot steam, I can wash off the feeling of humiliation I feel crawling on my skin. But try as I might, I can't shake it. So I stand under the hot water, replaying the events in my head, and finally deciding that it will be okay. No one knows but me and Shawn, and he's a good guy, he won't be telling this story. And even if he did, I don't know his friends, he can't get me with this. And now that I will never see him again, I have no reason to mull this over! So I turn off the water and get out of the shower.

      I put on some comfy clothes and go get some food to eat as I watch Netflix. It was an emotionally draining day, so I've earned a quiet night in. I check my phone by force of habit and see that Emily texted me.
"Hey Adam! How did everything go? Or are you still there..."
      I don't want to lie to her, but I'm not ready to explain everything, relive it, and hear what she has to say about the whole thing. I'm at peace right now, and I'd like to keep it that way. So for now, I reply:
"It was fine. We just hung out. I doubt he'll have time to see me again, Em."

      As I check my other messages, I see one from Shawn. He sent it much earlier, probably just as I was riding down the elevator.
"Adam, please call me."
      For Shawn, I've had two hours to call him back and I haven't. That window has closed. I slide the whole conversation to delete it. Out of sight, out of mind. And I definitely don't need to be reminded of what happened.

      I settle into the couch and start The Mindy Project, but I haven't even finished the intro that my phone lights up. A phone call? Who calls anyone these days... Of course. People who call are people who have something important to discuss and cannot wait. So I'm not surprised to see 'Shawn M.' on the caller ID. I decide to let him use another thing of the past : my voicemail. *Hi, you've reached Adam. I can't take your call right now because it's not 2003. Send a text for a better chance to reach me.*

      I let it go for a minute when the screen lights up again, catching my attention. I have a new voice message. Knowing I won't be able to think of anything else, I pick up my phone and listen to it.

"Hey Adam, it's Shawn. Look, I'm sorry about what happened, but please don't be embarrassed. I wish you'd stayed. I wish I could say this to you in person, uhm. Look. I had a lot of fun today, I really did. I- I didn't think I'd be able to have this much fun, but I do enjoy your company. A lot. And uhm... Well about the kiss... Wow, I don't- This is kind of lame to admit on your answering machine, in 2019! Funny message by the way. So yeah, I'm sorry I pushed you away. I shouldn't have. I did feel it coming. We shared that look... But I panicked and I chickened out and I'm sorry. This is new to me, like I- I've never kissed another guy before, if I'm honest. And I feel like such a child saying that, but here we are. So please, call me back. Or text me. I don't want to let this go. Good night."

      Wait. Good thing I was sitting down... Did he just say- What do I do? Can I tell Emily? I need to tell Emily.
"Em! Emergency! 911!"
"Adam! Are you okay? What's wrong?" she sends back right away.
"Uhm. So you know how I said it went fine with Shawn and we're just hanging out?"
"Yes...?"
"Well, I didn't mention that I tried to lean in to kiss him at some point, because he looked at me like a guy who's about to kiss you, you know? But he turned away and I felt awful so I left."
"OMG ADAM! WHAT??"
"AND NOW, I decided never to see him again so I never have to relive the most humiliating moment of my life, but he just left me a message on my voicemail. He said he was sorry and he wanted me to kiss him but he just panicked because he's never been kissed by a guy before. What do I do?"
"Well! Do you want to see him again? To kiss him?"
"I leaned in, of course I want to kiss him!"
"Okay but Adam, seriously. Like, dating Shawn Mendes. You want that?"
"I know, I know... I wasn't too warm at the idea of meeting him before because I didn't know what to expect. But now that I know, and that I've talked to him, I can lowkey see this going somewhere..."
"There's your answer, babe. You should tell him that."
"Okay, I will. Wish me luck!"
"You don't need it!"

      So, should I call him back? I sound much more confident over text, so I just open a new conversation and start typing.
"Hey Shawn. I just got your message. You're cute when you're nervous. I'd love to make you nervous again. Maybe tomorrow night over dinner?"

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