I wake up in a panic. Shawn got up quickly, which made me fall back on the bed since I was resting my head on his chest. He shuffles around the room, looking for his clothes and mine, and he is making no effort to be quiet. Almost like he wants to wake me.
"Shawn? What's going on?"
"Oh good, Adam, you're up!"
Of course I am, a marching band wouldn't make more noise than you in here.
"Brian just called," he continues, "he's on his way here. I totally forgot we were hanging out today, I'm so sorry to rush you off like this."
Rush me off? Oh! I have to leave is what he means.
"Yeah, okay, I get it. Don't worry."
I stand up and pick up my clothes from the foot of the bed, where Shawn put them earlier when ransacking the room. I see Shawn run from room to room, making sure any trace of me is gone, and I understand that he really needs me to be gone by the time Brian gets here. I have to admit it feels a bit odd — and humiliating — to have someone scrub you out of their lives so frantically, but I guess he just doesn't want to raise questions. It's a fairly new... I don't even want to call it a relationship.
I make my way to the door, put on my shoes and yell out a goodbye.
"Adam! Wait! At least let me give you this for breakfast," Shawn says, handing me a $20 bill.
"Shawn, I know this is well-intentioned, but you're making me feel like a whore. Just text me when you're free."
And I leave. Without a hug or a kiss. I press the button for the elevator, and prepare my best fake smile for Norman.
*Ding* The elevator doors open on the first floor and I exit, looking towards the security desk. My shoulder collides with someone else and I quickly turn around to apologize.
"Hey, I'm sorry man!" I hear a guy's voice say.
"Sorry! Oh, no problem," I say at the same time.
"No, really, I shouldn't've charged at the doors like that. Sorry again. Have a good one!"
"Have a nice day!" I reply, and walk outside.
I take out my phone to text Shawn:
"Brian's on his way up!"
But I don't send it. He'll know soon enough. And I'm not really in the mood to chat with him.
I make my way home, walking around, I'm not in a hurry. I thought I was spending at least the morning there, so! Walking alone, I get lost in my thoughts. Why did he rush me off so quickly? Isn't Brian his best friend? I understand not wanting to kiss me in the middle of a crowded grocery store, I understand hiding any type of relationship to the public at this stage, but wouldn't he tell his best friend about something if it's going well? At least I think it's going well... It was sure going well last night! I don't want to become paranoid, so I shake off these thoughts as I finally get home.
I try to go about my day, but I always come back to this: is Shawn embarrassed of me? Is it because I'm a guy? Maybe I should text him.
"Hey. Tell me when the coast is clear, I have a question for you."
Shawn replies almost instantly.
"Hey. What do you mean 'when the coast is clear'?"
"I mean, obviously you didn't want Brian knowing I was there, so I don't think you'd want him risking seeing my name on your phone..."
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry about that by the way. I didn't mean to make you feel like this."
"Like what? Unwanted? Humiliated? Like an embarrassment?" I text back. I want him to understand that this can't go on if he's ashamed of me!
"Adam, I'm sorry. Please believe me. It had nothing to do with you, I swear!"
"Yeah, it's the privacy thing..."
I hope he can read through the text that the privacy card can only be played so many times.
"Yes. I like to keep things to myself. I'm sorry if that sounds odd to you, but I don't like broadcasting my private life to everyone."
"But Shawn, that wasn't everyone. That was your best friend. I can't believe you wouldn't tell him about the hot chick you took home, so why not me?"
"Look. The truth is, he doesn't even know I also like guys. I wasn't lying when I said I've been able to ignore that feeling. And I didn't think the best way to tell my best friend was with a guy, naked in my bed."
Wow. Now I feel like an ass.
"I'm sorry. I understand that, believe me. I'll let you get back to your friend. Text me this week, okay?"
"I will. Have a good night, Adam."
"Good night, Shawn."
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Fanfic'Another Toronto after party', Adam thought. He even rolled his eyes as he saw him walk in. Little did he know, there was much more to him than a pretty smile. _ ATTENTION I mean no disrespect. I am fully aware that Shawn is not into guys and that h...
