Despondency

My Level

I wrote this when I was randomly feeling the aftermath of a old relationship of mine. It had been a while since we broke up and he randomly messaged me on Instagram. It brought back really unpleasant feelings. This "poem" is a really rough one. My writing style was all over this particular moment. Please forgive me, hope you still enjoy it though :)

I added a lil song up top just to get the mood set. Three Empty Words by Shawn Mendes is the mood for today

~~~~~~~

Are you really on my level?
Can you match my maturity?
My love?
My affection?
My loyalty?
My respect and dedication?
I really don't know...

Whether you can match my maturity isn't important to me
The fact that you can respect that I'm more mature than you is what matters
You trying to match my love
My affection
My loyalty
My respect and dedication

After 3 tumultuous years of dating and 2 years of being best friends...
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of you and what you're putting me through
You don't love me yet you claim you do
You don't respect my maturity and the struggle/survival that comes behind it
You don't show me affection at all
You go weeks without talking to me, coming to see me, calling me or even texting me
You aren't loyal to me at all
You're always fucking all these bitches behind my back, chatting up so called "friends" and undermining my love
You don't respect me at all
If you did you wouldn't be doing what you do right now
You'd approach me better and appreciate me for the woman I am to you
I never cheated on you
Never looked at another man
Never talked to another man or even thought about another man

You wasted my time
The stress you gave me probably shaved off 20 years of my life
I'm tired of you
Tired of all your bullshit and this whole thing
I'm so happy I've begun my process of getting over your whack ass
You brought me happiness at one point but now it's nothing but pain
Once I told you I loved you that's when you started to fuck up
You never deserved my love
You didn't deserve me at all
You'll never deserve anyone
I would've died for you
I would've left my family behind for you but I take all that back
You don't deserve me one bit

~~~~~~
To explain - I live in Ontario, Canada... he lives in Mosspoint, Mississippi. So it was a LONG distance relationship. He cheated on me a couple of times as you can see but I'm over it now. I just get mad whenever he texts me saying he wants me back. Do you have anyone like that in your life or can you relate?