Blinded | a.i

chapter 4

"I decided I didn't want to be alone" a voice cracked from behind me. My body whipped around and my face was met with Ashton's. He stood in the pouring rain, his hood up and his hands playing the with strings of his sweatshirt. "I'm scared Brooks, I'm scared"

I quickly walked over to him wrapping my arms around him tightly. He buried his head into the crook of my neck and I rubbed circles on his back to comfort him.

"I'm a shit person" he sniffled. I pulled away from him and shook my head at his comment.

"No, never say that." I said truthfully, even though what he did may not have been right.. he was such a genuine person. Like I said, he thought of other peoples happiness before his. "You have to talk to me" I reach up and put my hand on the side of his face, right under the small bruise. He did the same to mine but caresses the bruise from the even earlier.

"someday" he mumbled not making eye contact with me. "someday"

I decided to ignore his comment and say that we should start to make our way back to the house, since it was pouring, cold, and late. We walked back in a comfortable silence, just thinking about everything. I wished Ashton would tell me what has been going on, but I know he won't. I keep my eyes straight forward staring at the street signs, cars, lights, anything to keep my mind off of things. Soon enough we turned onto Luke's street and picked up the pace to get back.

Once we got back I opened the door to see Luke pacing back and forth while Michael and Calum tried to assure him that everything was okay. "Hi" we croaked out at the same time. All of their heads snapped over to us and their eyes widened.

"Fuck, Ashton. You have to stop walking out." Calum breathed while running a hand through his already messy hair. Ashton just stood in him spot quietly looking at the ground and fiddling with the sleeves of his sweatshirt, that's seemed to become such a habit for him.

"Sorry" he mumbled after what seemed like forever. Calum nodded his head and walked out not having anything else to say. "Do they hate me?" he looked up at me sadly. His eyes were glossy and blood shot showing he has been crying.

My head shot up in confusion looking at him like he was crazy. "Of course they don't, that's insane Ashton." I state seriously. He doesn't answer me, he just furrows his eyebrows and heads over to take a seat on the couch. I follow him and take me seat next to him. "You have to talk to me Ashton, tell me what's going on up in the mind of yours" I attempt to lighten the mood but I fail.

"I don't think you understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in my head" he point to his head and looks me straight in the eyes. "when I don't even understand it myself"

My mind fills with questions by the statement he just said. Ashton is always filled with deep quotes and thoughts that he lets out when questions are asked. Sometimes they concern us but we let them slide because, well we don't think they are that big of a deal.

Before I could say something a loud yawn came out of his mouth. "I'm tried, I think I'm just going to sleep." with that he laid down and rested his hands underneath his head. He did look exhausted, part of it must have been from all the alcohol he consumed earlier. I stayed by Ashton's side for a few more minutes until I could hear the light snores coming from his mouth.

"G'night Ash" I walked out of the living room and Into the kitchen were the rest of the boys were. They were all sitting on the counter scrolling through god knows what on their phones. "He's sleep" all of their head shot up and they looked over at me.

"Good, he needs the rest" Mikey said softly nodding his head. I nodded mine in agreement.

"Look guys, I think I'm going to go home tonight. I'll see you tomorrow." I look over at Luke assuming he would know I needed a ride.